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Some people think that teenage is great time to enjoy others say that adult has great time to enjoy and great deal with responsibility. Write about both side and give your own opinion.

Some people think that teenage is great time to enjoy others say that adult has great time to enjoy and great deal with responsibility. Write about both side and give your own opinion. MBNDL
Some people claim that teenage is the best time for enjoying. While other say that adulthood is great deal of taking responsibility and most joyful time. In my opinion, younger age is more enjoyable than adult time. First and foremost, in younger age, any person can stay healthy. Besides they can take many kinds of food. In addition, they can join any kinds of Sports. Everything, every moment they can enjoy with cheerfulness. Because almost of younger people has not that kind of illness which has a adult person. So they can do whatever they want. Moreover, an younger has cheerful mind. On the other hand, an adult person has many responsibility. For instance, they has to take families responsibility, children’s studying responsibility, works responsibility and so on. So that, they can not their life properly. They are always stressful. Beside that, their health condition go down gradually after increasing their age. For this reason he or she cannot take junk food. The people who is suffering diabetes, he or she can not take sugar more, oil, fast food. They has to obey dieting manue. They cannot participate every types of sports. Because it will be risky if they injured. So there are many restrictions for adult. On the contrary, in that adult time they can gain their prosperity as well as earn more. Because of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that teenage is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for enjoying. While other say that adulthood is great deal of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
and most joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
age is more enjoyable than adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
First
and foremost, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
age, any person can stay healthy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
they can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
Did you mean "foods"?
food
.
In addition
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
any kinds of Sports. Everything, every moment they can enjoy with cheerfulness.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
almost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has not that kind of illness which has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adult person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can do whatever they want.
Moreover
,
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
has cheerful mind.
On the other hand
, an adult person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
.
For instance
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "have", "haven"
has
to take families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
, children’s studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
, works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they can not their life
properly
. They are always stressful. Beside that, their health condition go down
gradually
after increasing their age.
For this reason
he or she cannot take junk food. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
suffering diabetes, he or she can not take sugar more, oil,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. They
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "have", "haven".
has
to obey dieting
Possible spelling mistake found.
manue
. They cannot participate every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "type"?
types
of sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it will be risky if they injured.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
restrictions for adult.
On the contrary
, in that adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they can gain their prosperity
as well
as earn more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of
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IELTS essay Some people think that teenage is great time to enjoy others say that adult has great time to enjoy and great deal with responsibility. Write about both side and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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