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Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others thinks that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others thinks that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v. 2
Many persons strongly believe that, to measure the intelligence of a person, the best tool is success. On the other hand, some people feel that there are various other modes to check the intelligence of a person. I firmly believe that, intelligence could be observed through the reaction of a person, with their popularity among people and many other ways. Firstly, in the world, many people are relishing the height of success not because of their own skills and intelligence, but because of their parent’s hard work. For example, everyone knows Mukesh Ambani, because of his smart move to do the business. Thus he earned everything because of his own hard work, but what about his other family members, they got success because of his intelligence. It depicts, successful people are not always intelligent and hard working. Secondly, every day is a new day, people are learning from every moment. The person, who is handling a worse situation with their own intelligence, gets famous and starts earning through his popularity among society. People are well famous because of their controversies too and getting more work, but it does not mean they are intelligent, for instance, Shehnaz Gill, she participated in Big Boss 13, because of her controversial behaviour, she is getting huge success and money not because of her intelligence. In conclusion, people who are intelligent, it does not mean they are successful as people who are dumb could be richer. I will say intelligent people are able to win the heart of people and can impress others; they could be judged through their popularity, nature, body language not only from their bank accounts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
strongly
believe that, to measure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, the best tool is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
modes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. I
firmly
believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
could
be observed
through the reaction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, with their popularity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways.

Firstly
, in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are relishing the height of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their parent’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
For example
, everyone knows Mukesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to do the business.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
he earned everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
family members, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
. It depicts, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
.

Secondly
, every day is a new day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are learning from every moment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, who is handling a worse situation with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
earning through his popularity among society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their controversies too and getting more work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not mean they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
,
for instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shehnaz
Gill, she participated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Boss 13,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her controversial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, she is getting huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and money not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her intelligence.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
, it does not mean they are successful as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are dumb could be richer. I will say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to win the heart of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and can impress others; they could
be judged
through their popularity, nature, body language not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from their bank accounts.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others thinks that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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