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Some people prefer to focus on ambitious dreams while othersthink realistic goals are more important. Which do you prefer andwhy? v.2

Some people prefer to focus on ambitious dreams while othersthink realistic goals are more important. Which do you prefer andwhy? v. 2
People are motivated by their objectives, their goals make them strive to achieve them. In this regard, although some people believe that, their dreams must be ambitiously, I do not think in this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, thinking to much about ambitious dreams makes people disappointed. Personally speaking, if people think of objectives which are not acheivable, they life will be meaningless. In other words, most of the people do not live on the condition that all they dreams come true, so it is better for them to just be willing of their reasonable goal, since in this way they are more happy with whatever they have. To paint it in a more vivid picture, I read an intresting story about a boy who wanted to be a famous actor, as it was written on the book, the boy was not skillful enough to be a actor, and being a actor was a kind of ambitious dream for him, since he could not achieve his dream, he was disappointed and finally kill himself. Considering this story, we should all have dreams which are not impossible to fulfill. Second, I am of the opinion that we should see the reality of life and try hard for the reality is meaningful and cause to success. In other words, thinking of dreams which are not available just makes people away from their real objectives. if people think of their ambitious dream, they will not have enough time to concentrate on reality and can not accomplish their afordable goals. For example, when I was a child, a friend of mine had a dream to become a teacher, being a teacher was a reasonable objective for her, therefore after finishing highschool she try hard to be accepted in a university to study teacher training program and finally she got successful and she is a professional teacher now, as she wanted since chilhood. As you can see, if my friend wanted to be a pilot, since it was not acheivable according to her condition, she could not obtain her real objective. Finally, I firmly believe that people' s objective must be achievable, having ambitious dream not only make them disappointed, but also prevent them from trying hard and they can not be successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are motivated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objectives
, their goals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them strive to achieve them. In this regard, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
ambitiously
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, thinking
Did you mean "too"?
to
much about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disappointed.
Personally
speaking, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objectives
which are not
Possible spelling mistake found.
acheivable
,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they life
will be meaningless.
In other words
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the condition that all they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "dream"
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is better for them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be willing of their reasonable goal, since in this way they are more happy with whatever they have. To paint it in a more vivid picture, I read an
Possible spelling mistake found.
intresting
story about a boy who wanted to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actor, as it
was written
on the book, the boy was not skillful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
actor, and being
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
actor was a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
for him, since he could not achieve his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
, he
was disappointed
and
finally
kill himself. Considering this story, we should all have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
which are not impossible to fulfill.

Second, I am of the opinion that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the reality of life and try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the reality is meaningful and cause to success.
In other words
, thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
which are not available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objectives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
, they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to concentrate on reality and can not accomplish their
Possible spelling mistake found.
afordable
goals.
For example
, when I was a child, a friend of mine had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
was a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objective
for her,
therefore
after finishing
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tries", "tried".
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in a university to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
training program and
finally
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
successful and
she is a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, as she wanted since
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilhood
. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, if my friend wanted to be a pilot, since it was not
Possible spelling mistake found.
acheivable
according to her condition, she could not obtain her real objective.

Finally
, I
firmly
believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be achievable, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them disappointed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from trying
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
they can not be successful
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to focus on ambitious dreams while othersthink realistic goals are more important. Which do you prefer andwhy? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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