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Some people think that studying from the past teaches us nothing about today’s life. Others argue that the history is a value source of information. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that studying from the past teaches us nothing about today’s life. Others argue that the history is a value source of information. v. 2
Transfer of citizens from villages into urban dwellings is taking place all over the globe, resulting in various problems, particularly in cities. The causes for this movement and solutions will be pondered on further. Metropolitan cities are a hub of entertainment, and source of income for people. Urban cities comprise of good transport, housing, educational institutions, and most of all industries to earn money. Since, individuals of the countryside are not familiar with the life in an urban dwelling they travel across borders to live the experience. For example, a youth from Alabama who has registered himself for a graduate course in New York is more likely to settle down in the new place. The countryside has its share of advantages, and disadvantages. Apart from its scenic beauty, local villages do not have public transport. There are usually family-run business, hence there is little scope of earning a good livelihood. On the contrary, when local citizens move from small communities to big urban cities they experience changes in every aspect. Also, the need to earn a decent living is what drives people to travel from one place to the other. This movement disturbs the inhabitants of urban places. The major reason is overcrowding, as there is little space for households. Nevertheless, it is not a permanent affair, as the government can work through some remedy for this problem. For instance, better quality education and jobs must be provided to villagers. The reason for the movement is hoping for the best in every sphere. Hence tapping on the main issue at hand is the need of the hour. In conclusion city lights will always draw people towards it, but it is vital that a solution is in place.
Transfer of citizens from villages into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
dwellings is taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
all over the globe, resulting in various problems,
particularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The causes for this movement and solutions will
be pondered
on
further
.

Metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are a hub of entertainment, and source of income for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
Did you mean "comprise" or "consist of"?
comprise of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
transport, housing, educational institutions, and most of all industries to earn money.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, individuals of the countryside are not familiar with the life in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
dwelling they travel across borders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the experience.
For example
, a youth from Alabama who has registered himself for a graduate course in New York is more likely to settle down in the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. The countryside has its share of advantages, and disadvantages. Apart from its scenic beauty, local villages do not have public transport. There are
usually
family-run business,
hence
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
scope of earning a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
livelihood.
On the contrary
, when local citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
communities to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
they experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in every aspect.
Also
, the need to earn a decent living is what drives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to the other. This movement disturbs the inhabitants of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The major reason is overcrowding, as there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
space for households.

Nevertheless
, it is not a permanent affair, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can work through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedy for this problem.
For instance
, better quality education and jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
to villagers. The reason for the movement is hoping for the best in every sphere.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
tapping on the main issue at hand is the need of the hour.

In conclusion
city lights will always draw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is vital that a solution is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people think that studying from the past teaches us nothing about today’s life. Others argue that the history is a value source of information. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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