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Some people think that study university abroad is better than domestic education. In what extent you agree or disagree?

Some people think that study university abroad is better than domestic education. In what extent you agree or disagree? Yd8Gd
In this day and age, more and more parents have tendency to send their children who just finish high school to developed countries to pursue higher education since they believe that abroad education is superior to local education. In my perspective, local higher education’s advantages still outweigh other countries’ education. First and foremost, the burden of cost on parents is heavy for those who have children studying in other countries since they need to undergo many procedures such as obtaining visa, passing immigration interview, passing entry examination, depositing a large amount of money in bank account for assurance before they can actually be students in their host countries which are extremely costly and exhausted. Beside that, Vietnamese universities not only provide good training course and curriculum but they also establish friendly learning environment which are better for students to get the best result in their study without too much costing. Last but not least, the students who study in foreign countries are more likely to suffer from depression than those who do not. Staying and having university training in a new nation with different lifestyle, language, culture, and many strangers, students might not easily adapt and get sufficient supports thus they need to stand on their feet to manage and help themselves to achieve their goal and they even do part-time jobs to ease the financial burden on their parents. So many hardship are abroad students facing that they cannot get good result in their specialization. In conclusion, having university training in local nation is a good choice when attending university from abroad is too expensive and full of obstacles.
In this day and age, more and more parents have tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finish high school to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
since they believe that abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is superior to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my perspective, local higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education’s
advantages
still
outweigh other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
education.

First
and foremost, the burden of cost on parents is heavy for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have children studying in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
since they need to undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
procedures such as obtaining visa, passing immigration interview, passing entry examination, depositing a large amount of money in bank account for assurance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they can actually be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are
extremely
costly and exhausted. Beside that, Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
training course and curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
establish friendly learning environment which are better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best result in their study without too much costing.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are more likely to suffer from depression than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not. Staying and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
training in a new nation with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyle, language, culture, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strangers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might not
easily
adapt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient supports
thus
they need to stand on their feet to manage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
themselves to achieve their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
goal and
they even do part-time jobs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the financial burden on their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Possible agreement error. The noun hardship seems to be countable; consider using: "many hardships".
many hardship
are abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
facing that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result in their specialization.

In conclusion
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
training in local nation is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice when attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
from abroad is too expensive and full of obstacles.
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IELTS essay Some people think that study university abroad is better than domestic education. In what extent you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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