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about steve jobs's story in his life and write thoughful respone

about steve jobs's story in his life and write thoughful respone ebNGJ
"billionaire dropout" might be the words you hear about Steve Jobs, the co-founder, chairman, and CEO of Apple. Steve Jobs's 2005 speech at Stanford University, told us 3 stories-3 parts of his life, the first story is about connecting the dots. In this first story, he told about his past, when he went to college he didn't see the value in there so he decided to drop out. however, at that time he saw a beautiful hand-calligraphed, and he decided to learn it. After 10, he created Mac with the first beautiful typography, and Windows didn't have it at that time. In the second story, I believed that he is an optimist person because after being kicked out of the company he created, he built next to and Pixar company and created "Toy story"- the most popular cartoon, and apple bought it and he returned to Apple. The final story is about death, in every morning he asked his self "Is today the last day, would I want to do what I am about to do today", for he wanted to live his life and just only he can decide it. He wasn't afraid of whatever people say, he was a man who dared to do what he wanted without knowing whether the future would be successful or not. He walked in his path, a path that not everyone can do because it's too dangerous
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
billionaire
dropout
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
might be the words you hear about Steve Jobs, the co-founder, chairman, and CEO of Apple. Steve Jobs's 2005 speech at Stanford University,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories-3
parts of his life, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
is about connecting the dots. In this
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
about his past, when he went to college he didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the value in there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he decided to drop out.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, at that time he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
Possible spelling mistake found.
hand-calligraphed
, and he decided to learn it. After 10, he created Mac with the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
typography, and Windows didn't have it at that time. In the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, I believed that he is an optimist person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after
being kicked
out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
he created, he built
next
to and Pixar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and created
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Toy story
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
- the most popular cartoon, and apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
he returned to Apple. The final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
is about death, in every morning he asked his self
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the last day, would I want to do what I am about to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, for he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
his life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
he can decide it. He wasn't afraid of whatever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say, he was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who dared to do what he wanted without knowing whether the future would be successful or not. He walked in his path, a path that not everyone can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's too
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
dangerous
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IELTS essay about steve jobs's story in his life and write thoughful respone

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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