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Some people think that sports played in teams are better than individual sports others don't think. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that sports played in teams are better than individual sports others don't think. v. 4
Sports is very crucial part of human life. It is thought by some people team sports are beneficial for children rather than individual sports such as chess, golf and swimming. However others believe individual sports help to create intellectual mind. In my opinion, I believe that team sports have more interesting. On the one hand, team mates learn to support each other to achieve a common goal. one team have s aim to win match, which is very beneficial for building cooperative skill. They try to do efforts with the help of each other. In addition to this, playing in a team gives children the opportunity to interact with others and get over their shyness. To illustrate, in football sport has two teams, each teams consists of maximum of 11 players. These team member have chance to communicate with each other and share their experience. Thus, in team sports children can get chance to learn cooperative skills at the same time interpersonal skill. On the other hand, individual sports are better at teaching children to rely on their own skills and independent spirited. For example, in chess teenagers make their decision own level and win trophy with their own efforts. This habit give assistance to take prominent decision in life. Moreover, in individual sports provide more chances to engage children with parents. A few spots such as tennis, chess child can play with their parents, which is good for build strong relation between child and guardians. Finally I believe that, children generally have more fun when they engage in an activity with their peers rather than on their own team. In conclusion, both sports are important for child overall development, but team sports teach children patience, communication and cooperative skills, which more beneficial for child future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part of human life. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as chess, golf and swimming.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create intellectual mind. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have more interesting.

On the one hand,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
team mates
learn to support each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to achieve a common goal.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
have s aim to win match, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for building cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. They try to do efforts with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
In addition
to this, playing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the opportunity to interact with others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over their shyness. To illustrate, in football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
consists of maximum of 11 players. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
member have chance to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and share their experience.
Thus
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to learn cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at the same time interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are better at teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to rely on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and independent spirited.
For example
, in chess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decision
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
level and win trophy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts. This habit give assistance to take prominent decision in life.
Moreover
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide more chances to engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with parents. A few spots such as tennis, chess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can play with their parents, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for build strong relation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and guardians.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
I believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
generally
have more fun when they engage in an activity with their peers
rather
than on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
team.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
overall
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
patience, communication and cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
future.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that sports played in teams are better than individual sports others don't think. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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