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Some people think that sports played in teams are better than individual sports others don't think. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that sports played in teams are better than individual sports others don't think. v. 1
Immigration has a significant effect on the society. This essay will discuss seeking for better job opportunities as a cause and also, economic burden and social isolation as the consequences. To begin with, the search for an improved job opportunity is a reason why individuals migrate. This is so because people from underdeveloped countries usually have poor paying jobs and the befitting jobs are minimal as compared to the developed societies. Therefore, they move out in search of enhanced job opportunities. For instance, annually, Professionals from developing countries move to the Western society in search of lucrative jobs which also, has better pay. However, migrating to another country also has negative effects on both the immigrant and host Country. Firstly, it results in economic burden on the host, because, immigrants may depend on asylum for food and medical care, thus, the host has to expand budgets to meet their needs. To illustrate, during the Libya unrest, immigrants were kept in asylums. Hence, this means more budget for the government to be able to cater for their needs. Secondly, social isolation can occur as a result of immigration, while it is so is because some immigrants may be faced with language-barrier, also, they will not mix up with residents. For example, a Nigerian that travels to German, may have communication difficulties therefore, would be isolated until he is able to speak the German language. In conclusion, although, finding an enhanced work opportunity is a cause of immigration. However, economic burden and social isolation are seen as consequences, thus, individuals should weigh the possible outcomes before making the decision to leave one's homeland.
Immigration has a significant effect on the society. This essay will discuss seeking for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
as a cause and
also
, economic burden and social isolation as the consequences.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the search for an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
is a reason why individuals migrate. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
usually
have poor paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and the befitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are minimal as compared to the developed societies.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out in search of enhanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
For instance
,
annually
, Professionals from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the Western society in search of lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
also
, has better pay.

However
, migrating to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
and host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
.
Firstly
, it results in economic burden on the host,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
may depend on asylum for food and medical care,
thus
, the host
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
expand budgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs. To illustrate, during the Libya unrest,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in asylums.
Hence
, this means more budget for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to be able to cater for their needs.
Secondly
, social isolation can occur
as a result
of immigration, while it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
may
be faced
with language-barrier,
also
, they will not mix up with residents.
For example
, a Nigerian that travels to German, may have communication difficulties
therefore
, would
be isolated
until he is able to speak the German language.

In conclusion
, although, finding an enhanced work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
is a cause of immigration.
However
, economic burden and social isolation are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as consequences,
thus
, individuals should weigh the possible outcomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
one's homeland.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that sports played in teams are better than individual sports others don't think. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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