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Some people think that sports events must be sponsored by companies .do you think advantages of this strategy outweigh its disadvantage .

Some people think that sports events must be sponsored by companies. do you think advantages of this strategy outweigh its disadvantage. 708nY
The given statement illustrate that some individual think the organisation must sponsor the sports events. In this essay I think there are several advantages and disadvantages. To begin with, the number of benefits why top sport events sponsored by the company's. first of all, it is good for players take and show on talent publicly. As well as, some player are not afford some equipment related to own field. then the companies are give to offer then the deprived players join sports event easily and show on talent in particular field. As well as, they are money for purchase health kit and other thing. Another reason is that, it is good way for promoting games, as well as companies are helpful for player. because then they join sports events and earn money, they can easily fulfill their dreams and success in own life. Apart from this, then the joint sports event and doing workout and exercise which is beneficial for health and the easily control their body fitness. As well as, the companies increase and promote games, it is good opportunities for players and they easily participate in his field. As well as, then the organizations promoting game more and more people participate in games and some part of population are employed. In conclusion, the far more advantages as compared disadvantages. because it is good for player they can show on talent and sports event as well as the success in their life. Furthermore, it is best way for fitness and make a better health.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement illustrate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
sponsor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. In this essay I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are several advantages and disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the number of benefits why top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
sponsored by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
take and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on talent
publicly
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "players"?
player
are not
Consider using a past participle here: "afforded".
afford
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
equipment related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
field.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
then
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are give to offer then the deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on talent
in particular
field. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as, they are money for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
health kit and other thing. Another reason is that, it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a good".
good
way for promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and earn money, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
fulfill their dreams and success in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.

Apart from this, then the joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and doing workout and exercise which is beneficial for health and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
control their body fitness. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
increase and promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
opportunities for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
players and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
participate in his field. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as, then the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
promoting game more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of population
are employed
.

In conclusion
, the far more advantages as compared disadvantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on talent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as the success in their life.
Furthermore
, it
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
way for fitness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better health.
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IELTS essay Some people think that sports events must be sponsored by companies. do you think advantages of this strategy outweigh its disadvantage.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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