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Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. 0XQ5
In recent years, the use of social media sites such as Facebook and Instagram has increased significantly. Some people deem that Facebook has a detrimental impact on both individuals and society. I strongly agree with this idea. I support my view by presenting 2 reasons. In what follows, I will touch upon each of them separately. First and foremost, young individuals who spend an excessive amount of time on social media, become depressed and isolated from their family and society. Because they keep themselves locked in a room for few hours and wasting their time on Facebook and chatting with strangers. Initially, they enjoy this habit, however, over time they become addicted. For instance, in China, social media addiction is one of the major issues, and there are many centers to help people who suffer from this problem. Apart from the first point I made above, Facebook and other social networking has a negative effect on pupils’ educational performance. They spend most of their time on this networking and cannot concentrate on their lessons, consequently they get poorer grades in school. In addition, these sites harm society as well. There is a significant rise in crimes in society, which is due to social networking. By way of illustration, many attackers hack the public profile of celebrities, then start blackmailing them. Moreover, some criminals target young boys and girls by creating fake profiles. One real concern is the increase in the amount of fraud, where for example, people are using the personal data of others, which they put online for criminal purposes. In conclusion, it is clear that social-sites have a harmful impact on both people and society, as they lead to isolation among individuals and cause more crimes in the community. Therefore, I firmly believe that it is a negative phenomenon and individuals should be more careful while using such websites.
In recent years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sites such as Facebook and Instagram has increased
significantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that Facebook has a detrimental impact on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I support my view by presenting 2 reasons. In what follows, I will touch upon each of them
separately
.

First
and foremost, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who spend an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, become depressed and isolated from their family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves locked in a room for few hours and wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on Facebook and chatting with strangers.
Initially
, they enjoy this habit,
however
, over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they become addicted.
For instance
, in China,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media addiction is one of the major issues, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
centers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from this problem.

Apart from the
first
point I made above, Facebook and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on pupils’ educational performance. They spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on this networking and cannot concentrate on their lessons,
consequently
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poorer grades in school.

In addition
, these sites harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
. There is a significant rise in crimes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking. By way of illustration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attackers hack the public profile of celebrities, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
blackmailing them.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminals target young boys and girls by creating fake profiles.

One real concern is the increase in the amount of fraud, where
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using the personal data of others, which they put online for criminal purposes.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that social-sites have a harmful impact on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, as they lead to isolation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and cause more crimes in the community.
Therefore
, I
firmly
believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
phenomenon and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be more careful while using such websites.
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IELTS essay Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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