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Children in some part of the world have less responseblity compared to children in the past.some people think this as a positive change ,however,other think of it as a negative change. What is your view about this statement?

Children in some part of the world have less responseblity compared to children in the past. some people think this as a positive change, however, other think of it as a negative change. What is your view about this statement? QOaK
It's often argued that, nowadays children have less responseblity than they have in the past. Although this viewed positively by some people, while others think this as a negative change. I personally believe that positive changes are overweighted negative changes and I discuss my opinion in this essay. To begin with, people in the past lived in joint family because of that children have more responsiblity to taking care of their younger siblings. As a result children became independent earlier compared to today's children. However, they couldn't enjoy their innocence and true childhood. For instance, they couldn't play when their siblings were studying. Furthermore, Due to less responseblities pupils could be focus on their study for their better future carrier. They could spent their childhood awesome with their parents without any burden of other responseblity. Many researches shows that, in today's modern era children are better in education than children in the past. To conclude, children can make their carrier better and enjoy thier true individual childhood with no pressure of responseblities. That makes more positive changes overweighted than negative changes.
It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have less
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responseblity
than they have in the past. Although this viewed
positively
by
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some
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people
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this as a
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negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. I
personally
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and I discuss my opinion in this essay. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in joint family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
to taking care of their younger siblings.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
became independent earlier compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, they couldn't enjoy their innocence and true childhood.
For instance
, they couldn't play when their siblings were studying.
Furthermore
, Due to less
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responseblities
pupils could be focus on their study for their better future carrier. They could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
their childhood awesome with their parents without any burden of other
Possible spelling mistake found.
responseblity
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are better in education than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the past.
To conclude
,
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children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their carrier better and enjoy
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
true individual childhood with no pressure of
Possible spelling mistake found.
responseblities
. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighted
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
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IELTS essay Children in some part of the world have less responseblity compared to children in the past. some people think this as a positive change, however, other think of it as a negative change. What is your view about this statement?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
181 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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