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Some people think that secondary school should aim for a narrow range of subjects education, while others think that secondary school should aim for a wider system. Discuss both views

Some people think that secondary school should aim for a narrow range of subjects education, while others think that secondary school should aim for a wider system. Discuss both views Xnapr
In recent years, the influence of the Internet on people's lives is huge. Some people think that the Internet helps people a lot in communicating and meeting, others think that it has limited real-life interactions between people. There is common belief that we spend most of our time just chatting with people online will make us passive in external communication. Firstly, when we spend too much time on computer, we will become passive in life. I think that If we sit at home all day to use the computer to communicate with the surrounding life, it will have a great influence on issues such as housework, class work or company. The fact that we keep doing this will make ourselves feel guilty about the reality of life outside and lead to underdevelopment. Second, when we are too dependent on the internet to communicate, it will not only affect our lives but will affect our communication with people around us. I thinkwhen affecting work, academic performance will make our future worse and if we become passive in communicating in real life, that will have a huge impact on our lives when we grow up. In contrast, i am of the opinion that communicating via the internet plays a huge role in our lives. First, we can communicate with friends and relatives if they are far away or cannot go to their house. It can be said that chatting is very useful if we know how to use the internet effectively. we can exchange and meet friends around the world to create opportunities to get acquainted and have fun on the internet. Second, it can be seen that the current Covid-19 epidemic is very complicated all over the world. The sick person will have to stay in the hospital for a long time and be unable to see their loved ones or family. However, the Internet can help them meet and communicate right at the hospital and contribute to helping them become happy, happy and quickly recover.
In recent years, the influence of the Internet on
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people
's
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lives
is huge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
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people
a lot in communicating and meeting, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has limited real-life interactions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There is common belief
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
spend most of our time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
chatting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
online will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us passive in external communication.
Firstly
, when we spend too much time on computer, we will become passive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that If we sit at home all day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with the surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it will have a great influence on issues such as housework,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
work or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The fact that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ourselves feel guilty about the reality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
outside and lead to underdevelopment.

Second, when we are too dependent on the internet to
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communicate
, it will not
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only
affect our
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lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will affect our communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkwhen
affecting work, academic performance will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our future worse and if we become passive
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in communicating in
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, that will have a huge impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
when we grow up.

In contrast
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am of the opinion that communicating via the internet plays a huge role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
First
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with friends and relatives if they are far away or cannot go to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. It can
be said
that chatting is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful if we know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
effectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
can exchange and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends around the world to create opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted and have fun on the internet. Second, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Covid-19 epidemic is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
complicated all over the world. The sick person will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay in the hospital for a long time and be unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones or family.
However
, the Internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
right at the hospital and contribute to helping them become happy, happy and
quickly
recover.
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IELTS essay Some people think that secondary school should aim for a narrow range of subjects education, while others think that secondary school should aim for a wider system. Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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