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Some people think that scientists and technology experts are more valued than musicians and artists. What is your opinion?

Some people think that scientists and technology experts are more valued than musicians and artists. What is your opinion? yX7od
Many people believe that ideas of science and technology are superior to those of music and art. It is hard to compare these two distinct ideas. I am personally inclined to the argument that scientific achievements should be valued a bit higher than artistic pieces. Science will help progress the world to move forward while arts and music dwell on the past history. In this essay, I am going to demonstrate two reasons why technology should be valued higher than arts. Firstly, advances in sciences totally change the shape of the world. It changes how people think and act. For example, the introduction of the iPhone was a revolutionary change to the public. Previously, the mobile phone was regarded as a machine that one can carry and use for calling purposes. After iPhone has been introduced, it was no longer regarded as a calling machine but as a substitute for the PC. On the other hand, artists and musicians put an effort to preserve the pieces from the past and tell the public how essential the drawings are as historical figures. I believe that one should not undermine the values of arts and music. However, artists and musicians never like to improvise or ameliorate their pieces. Moreover, they think it will damage the authenticity of the art. These fears hinder them to progress forward. In conclusion, I believe that technology brings the most changes to the public. Artists and musicians always think of preserving originality while scientists think of ways of improving the world. Furthermore, these differences in thinking allow changes to the community.
Many
people
believe that
ideas
of science and technology are superior to those of music and
art
. It is
hard
to compare these two distinct
ideas
. I am
personally
inclined to the argument that scientific achievements should
be valued
a bit higher than artistic pieces. Science will
help
progress the world to
move
forward while
arts
and music dwell on the past history. In this essay, I am going to demonstrate two reasons why technology should
be valued
higher than arts.

Firstly
, advances in sciences
totally
change
the shape of the world. It
changes
how
people
think
and act.
For example
, the introduction of the iPhone was a revolutionary
change
to the public. Previously, the mobile phone
was regarded
as a machine that one can carry and
use
for calling purposes. After iPhone has
been introduced
, it was no longer regarded as a calling machine
but
as a substitute for the PC.

On the other hand
, artists and musicians put an effort to preserve the pieces from the past and
tell
the public how
essential
the drawings are as historical figures. I believe that one should not undermine the values of
arts
and music.
However
, artists and musicians never like to improvise or ameliorate their pieces.
Moreover
, they
think
it will damage the authenticity of the
art
. These fears hinder them to progress forward.

In conclusion
, I believe that technology brings the most
changes
to the public. Artists and musicians always
think
of preserving originality while scientists
think
of ways of improving the world.
Furthermore
, these differences in thinking
allow
changes
to the community.
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IELTS essay Some people think that scientists and technology experts are more valued than musicians and artists. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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