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Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Over the last few decades, it cannot be denied that there have been numerous improvements in world’s teaching system. While a huge number of people today hold the view that schools should give awards to outstanding students, I would also argue that it would be better to encourage pupils who reveal their progressive advancements. On the one hand, it is crystal clear that rewarding brilliant students would benefit not only in the short term but also in the future. Those who advocate this view feel that there will be a competitive atmosphere in one’s school providing that governments and schools encourage pupils who show the best academic results. He or she, for instance, may allocate a great deal of their time acquiring unknown knowledge for the purpose of winning the award. Furthermore, each school may spend their resources to expenditure on priority items such as improving the quality of teachers just for the sake of providing data which is new for students. Finally, in the long term, these excellent students might achieve a huge success in their careers and become stars in the world of work. Then perhaps they would return to support their old schools. On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial to encourage students who show improvements. Firstly, in the short term, majority of students will make a great effort to gain more information in lieu of having a sedentary lifestyle as a result of rewarding them. For this reason, there will be a dramatic change in education, and there will be only “better” pupils. Secondly, in the long term, this action would enhance the general quality of the whole workforce. To conclude, in spite of the fact that it would be better to solely give awards to outstanding students, I hold the perception that rewarding students who are better day by day is the best way for the reasons that I have mentioned above.
Over the last few decades, it cannot
be denied
that there have been numerous improvements in world’s teaching system. While a huge number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should give awards to outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I would
also
argue that it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to encourage pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reveal their progressive advancements.

On the one hand, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that rewarding brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would benefit not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the future. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
advocate this view feel that there will be a competitive atmosphere in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
providing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
encourage pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the best academic results. He or she,
for instance
, may allocate a great deal of their time acquiring unknown knowledge for the purpose of winning the award.
Furthermore
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
may spend their resources to expenditure on priority items such as improving the quality of teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of providing data which is new for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Finally
, in the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
, these excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might achieve a huge success in their careers and become stars in the world of work. Then perhaps they would return to support their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
schools.

On the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
improvements.
Firstly
, in the short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great effort to gain more information in lieu of having a sedentary lifestyle
as a result
of rewarding them.
For this reason
, there will be a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in education, and there will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“better”
pupils.
Secondly
, in the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
, this action would enhance the general quality of the whole workforce.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
solely
give awards to outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I hold the perception that rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
day by day is the best way for the reasons that I have mentioned above.
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IELTS essay Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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