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Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the marriageable age should be increased to 21 years. Personally. I partly agree with this statement. On the one hand, 21 is the age that people can become mature physically and their mental can grow enough to taken the responsibility for an entire family. People can have lots of life experiences to protect and improve their family. They may look after their children more carefully. It can reduce the rate of divorce in young age group. In addition, people could have the financial sustainability. It is the solid foundation for a happy family. Money is not everything but money is something very important in family. Financial stability ensure that they can avoid conflict and do not fall victim to money stress or mental disorders. When parents have money. they can help their children to have a good life. On the other hand, increasing the age of marriage to 21 years can have badly effects. People tend to delay their marriage. Because they can feel unconfident and worried that if they do not prepare enough, they can not have a good family. It can due to " gamophobia" which is the fear marriage in young group. Moreover, when people delay their marriages, it can decrease the quality of population. Because their newborn babies can face to birth defects or some congenital diseases and older mom can face a higher risk than younger mom of giving birth to babies. In conclusion, with all benefits and drawbacks, I suggest that the government should be considered the increasing the legal age to 21 years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the marriageable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
be increased
to 21 years.
Personally
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

On the one hand, 21 is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become mature
physically
and their mental can grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “take”.
taken
the responsibility for an entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can have lots of life experiences to protect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They may look after their children more
carefully
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of divorce in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could have the financial sustainability. It is the solid foundation for a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is not everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Financial stability ensure that they can avoid conflict and do not fall victim to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or mental disorders. When parents have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
they
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life.

On the other hand
, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
to 21 years can have
badly
effects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to delay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they can feel unconfident and worried that if they do not prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, they can not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It can due to
Don’t put a space on both sides of a quote symbol.
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
gamophobia
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
which is the fear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
in young group.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
delay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
, it can decrease the quality of population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their newborn babies can face to birth defects or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
congenital diseases and older mom can face a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
than younger mom of giving birth to babies.

In conclusion
, with all benefits and drawbacks, I suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be considered
the increasing the legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to 21 years.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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