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Some people think that schools should require students to participate in extracurricular sports programs. Other, however, think that students should be able to choose activities that they want to do. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people think that schools should require students to participate in extracurricular sports programs. Other, however, think that students should be able to choose activities that they want to do. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion m8kGn
Non-scholastic activities are important because they help students to relax after classes, to build and develop different skills. Schools usually offer a variety of extracurricular programs including sports, the arts, technology, community services … There is a common belief that we should let students to choose themself what they want to do. However, I support the idea that sports programs should be mandatory for all students. On the one hand, some people think that students should be free to decide their after-school activities. To be specific, students can choose the activities that they found interesting based on their preferences. It is also a great opportunity for students to explore their potential abilities and competences. For instance, children who take part in performing arts may grow up to be professional actors. Nevertheless, there is a more persuasive argument that all students are required to play sports during their extra classroom programs. In fact, it is evident that physical activities are necessary for a healthy way of life, especially for children’s growth and development. Exercising can also improve focus, school performance, sleep and energy levels. When playing sports, chemicals in the brain are stimulated and make players feel better. So doing regularly physical activities improves students’ emotinal wellbeing. Moreover, studies have shown that sports have psychological benefits for children and adolescents and teach them important life skills. To illustrate, playing in a teams help young people to develop many social skills that they need for life: it teaches them to cooperate, to be less selfish, and to listen to others. When playing sports, children are also expected to follow the rules, to make new friends and build their social relationships. In conclusion, involvement in extra-academic activities leads to positive long-term outcomes. Playing sports is a great way for students to take a break from academics, provides them not only physical benefits but also social and psychological benefits. For these reasons, I think that sports programs should be a mandatory part of after-school activities.
Non-scholastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relax after classes, to build and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Schools
usually
offer a variety of extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, the arts, technology, community services … There is a common belief that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
what they want to do.
However
, I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
should be mandatory for all students.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be free to decide their after-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that they found interesting based on their preferences. It is
also
a great opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to explore their potential abilities and competences.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in performing arts may grow up to be professional actors.

Nevertheless
, there is a more persuasive argument that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are required
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
during their extra classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. In fact, it is evident that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are necessary for a healthy way of life,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth and development. Exercising can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
focus, school performance, sleep and energy levels. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, chemicals in the brain
are stimulated
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
players feel better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
doing
regularly
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
Possible spelling mistake found.
emotinal
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
Moreover
, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have psychological benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adolescents and teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in a teams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they need for life: it teaches them to cooperate, to be less selfish, and to listen to others. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends and build their social relationships.

In conclusion
, involvement in extra-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
long-term outcomes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a great way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take a break from academics, provides them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
social and psychological benefits. For these reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
should be a mandatory part of after-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that schools should require students to participate in extracurricular sports programs. Other, however, think that students should be able to choose activities that they want to do. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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