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Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that it is more important to have a stable job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that it is more important to have a stable job. v. 1
The issue that people should prioritize job satisfaction or job stability is a complex problem and deserves to take care. While many people favor a stable job, I deeply think that satisfactory job is more crucial. Firstly, I suppose people who have a stable job have a safe life. They do a similar work day by day and their lifetime pass in a same way. For example, an office staff always goes to work at 8 o’clock in the morning and go back home at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. Their work will have no change so they do not have to get on well with other working condition or other type of work. In addition, a sustainable job may bring people a very boring life and make them not progress. These people become passive and lack of creativity because of doing the similar task every day. On the contrary, satisfactory job gives people motivation in working. For being satisfied with the work, they try their best and get good results. People work with their passion in their main major; therefore they will feel that they work for themselves, not for the company only. It is a good chance for them to pursue their expectation and dream. That people can do what they like is the great way to motivate them. Moreover, to have a satisfactory job, people have to change their job many times and overcome many challenges in finding job. After that, they become more mature and stronger. The more the risks they meet, the more the return they receive. To conclude, I believe that people should be in favor of job satisfaction than a stable job.
The issue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stability is a complex problem and deserves to take care. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
favor a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I
deeply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more crucial.

Firstly
, I suppose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
have a safe life. They do a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
day by day and their lifetime pass
Consider replacing "in a same way" with the adverb for "same"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a same way
.
For example
, an office staff always goes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at 8 o’clock in the morning and go back home at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on well with other working condition or other type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In addition
, a sustainable
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job
may bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
boring life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them not progress. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become passive and lack of creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of doing the similar task every day.

On the contrary
, satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
motivation in working. For
being satisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they try their best and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with their passion in their main major;
therefore
they will feel that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves, not for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance for them to pursue their expectation and dream. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do what they like is the great way to motivate them.
Moreover
, to have a satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times and overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges in finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. After that, they become more mature and stronger. The more the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, the more the return they receive.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction than a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that it is more important to have a stable job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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