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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. kNQO
It is argued that few people feel that schools have to be more amusing, while other believe that the purpose of schools is to educate. I completely disagree with aforementioned statement because entertainment helps to make students more active. First of all, i believe that enjoyment is the source of learning different knowledge from schools. Also, refreshment helps for children to solve problem and make their work more easier. Scholar are likely to gain more education from joy because it make energetic. Moreover, pleasure brings happiness to students which is a powerful medicine that aid healthy and well-being. For example, if there television, funny program in classroom then students retain information better because the process is enjoyable and memorable. In addition, Having fun in schools may increase interaction between children, so they can share ideas, views and inforamtion. Although some suppose that it is not good for children for entertainment, it is beneficial for individuals to absorb information easily. However, relaxing enhance confidence of teenager to participate in different occasion. According to expert, When there is more entertainment in school, children can solve their problem and trouble in simple way and they can be more sharp-minded. In conclusion, in my view, there should be extra leisure class for entertain so they can be more positive and concentrating to their goal. Despite people think there should be regular class, but it also affect in child mind and they might have suffer from depression.
It
is argued
that few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more amusing, while other believe that the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is to educate. I completely disagree with aforementioned statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
students more active.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that enjoyment is the source of learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Also
, refreshment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to solve problem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their work
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
. Scholar
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
likely to gain more education from joy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
energetic.
Moreover
, pleasure brings happiness to students which is a powerful medicine that aid healthy and well-being.
For example
, if
Please check whether a verb is missing here or whether 'there' should be 'their'.
there television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
program in classroom then students retain information better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the process is enjoyable and memorable.
In addition
, Having fun in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may increase interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, views and
Possible spelling mistake found.
inforamtion
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suppose that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for entertainment, it is beneficial for individuals to absorb information
easily
.
However
, relaxing enhance confidence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasion. According to expert, When there is more entertainment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can solve their problem and trouble in simple
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they can be more sharp-minded.
In conclusion
, in my view, there should be extra leisure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for entertain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and concentrating to their goal. Despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there should be regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
in child
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they might have
Use past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
from depression.
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IELTS essay Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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