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In many countries, senior workers have higher salaries compared to those of youngworkers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified. Do you agreeor disagree? v.1

In many countries, senior workers have higher salaries compared to those of youngworkers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified. Do you agreeor disagree? v. 1
Nowadays, the question of whether students should learn academic subjects such as math, chemistry, history or practical subjects has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although studies academic subjects is not without advantages, i do suppose that vocational subjects will be far more considered. There are a variety of reasons for studying academic subjects. First, since most graduates expect to land a decent job down the road, having access to academic courses is necessary. In fact, most high-salaried workers are required to have a complex understanding of their disciplines, which can only achieve if they have taken academic courses. Second, by learning these subjects, students can continue their higher education. This means that they are armed with the fundamental knowledge to do research or study, which is conducive to humans’ innovations and developments later. Nevertheless, practical subjects such as mechanics and cooking are necessary for the majority of people. First, since learning these subjects allow the majority to make a living as soon as possible, many are inclined to opt these courses without committing 4 years of college. In fact, they can start working and earning money to raise their family and support themselves once being armed with practical skills for manual jobs, which soon improve their quality of life. Second, solid practical experience is emphasized as a key factor contributing to promotion in one’s career path. For instance, in order to be a restaurant manager, one is required to gain a certain number of years of experiences, which is not considered to the bachelor’s degree. In conclusion, although academic courses are important to some, practical ones are crucial for most. By considering all the pros and cons of each course, students should be able to find their best approach.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
students should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as math, chemistry, history or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is not without advantages,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do suppose that vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will be far more considered.

There are a variety of reasons for studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
First
, since most graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to land a decent job down the road, having access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is necessary. In fact, most high-salaried workers
are required
to have a complex understanding of their disciplines, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieve if they have taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Second, by learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, students can continue their higher education. This means that they
are armed
with the fundamental knowledge to do research or study, which is conducive to humans’ innovations and developments later.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as mechanics and cooking are necessary for the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
First
, since learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the majority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are inclined
to opt these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
without committing 4 years of college. In fact, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working and earning money to raise their family and support themselves once
being armed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for manual jobs, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality of life. Second, solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
experience
is emphasized
as a key factor contributing to promotion in one’s career path.
For instance
, in order to be a restaurant manager, one
is required
to gain a certain number of years of experiences, which is not considered to the bachelor’s degree.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
ones are crucial for most. By considering all the pros and cons of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, students should be able to find their best approach.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, senior workers have higher salaries compared to those of youngworkers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified. Do you agreeor disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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