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Some people think that school children should receive one long holiday during the whole year.Others, however,think it is necessary to give them multiple short holidays.Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think that school children should receive one long holiday during the whole year. Others, however, think it is necessary to give them multiple short holidays. Discuss both views and give your own opinion kWRXM
According to some is prefer long-term vacation. The opposite side, numerous short holidays are acceptable for children. Personally, I think a long vacation is better during the course of the academic year. To begin, many short holidays offer a number of conveniences to pupils. First of all, they take breaks during their students, which helps them to concentrate and get rid of a little fatigue. They also go to various amusement parks with their friends and play a variety of games, such as football, tennis and volleyball. This will help relieve them from mental stress. For instance, young students get bored after a long day in classes. So they need several short vacations. However, the long-term holiday also has its advantages. This allows the child pursue a hobby for a long time and improves the skill. It allows you to learn new language and join clubs such as swimming. Therefore, it is possible to organize various trips during the holidays. For example, you can go to a summer camp or travel to different countries with your family. And on the trip they can get acquainted with traditions, festivals of the people. To sum up, although different short vacations relieve students of stress, long vacations help them to travel the world and develop skill. So for me personally, long vacations are the most desirable
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
is
Consider using a past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
. The opposite side, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are acceptable for children.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
is better during the course of the academic year. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
offer a number of conveniences to pupils.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they take breaks during their students, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to concentrate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fatigue. They
also
go to various amusement parks with their friends and play a variety of games, such as football, tennis and volleyball. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
relieve them from mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, young students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
day in classes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they need several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
.
However
, the long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
also
has its advantages. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the child pursue a hobby for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to learn new language and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
clubs such as swimming.
Therefore
, it is possible to organize various trips during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
.
For example
, you can go to a summer camp or travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries with your family. And on the trip they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with traditions, festivals of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
relieve students of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to travel the world and develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for me
personally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
are the most
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
desirable
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IELTS essay Some people think that school children should receive one long holiday during the whole year. Others, however, think it is necessary to give them multiple short holidays. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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