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Some people think that rich countries should support poor countries in terms of aid for health care and education. To what extend do you agree?

It is an undeniable fact that education and hospitals are the basic needs of every country. In fact, I agree with those who feel that needy countries should be helped for their educational and health related facilities as it can create a good relationship among countries and can provide a better opportunity to deserving candidates. Following this look, a reasoned conclusion will be shared. Firstly, education is one of the most important factors for the progress of any country and to make it common, rich countries can contribute some funds to the less financially stable countries, as it can help students to highlight their talent at national and international level. This can not only benefit them in getting a good employment, but their researches and skills can also help the technology to grow worldwide. Take USAID for example, which has helped many students of Pakistan to showcase their potential around the globe, by granting them scholarships in almost all educational fields and other research facilities which were not easily available in Pakistan. Thus, helping needful countries in the field of education is a positive thing. Secondly, a help from a developed country to deserving countries to improve their hospital and medical facilities can build a healthy relation among those countries and can promote peace at international level. This can be done by supporting them financially to construct advance hospitals, providing them with latest laboratory equipment and different medicines and vaccines, which can be easily available to their citizens. A good illustration of this is COVID19, when China helped Pakistan by providing huge numbers of ventilators and masks to fight against this pandemic. As a result, Pakistan has a friendly relationship with China. As this example shows, it is a good notion to aid deserving countries in the department of health care. To conclude, by supporting needy countries in education and health care department, we can promote peace globally and can give chances to talented pupils to show their capabilities.
It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and hospitals are the basic needs of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who feel that needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
for their educational and health related facilities as it can create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and can provide a better opportunity to deserving candidates. Following this look, a reasoned conclusion will
be shared
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors for the progress of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it common, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can contribute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds to the less
financially
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to highlight their talent at national and international level. This can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit them in getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their researches and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the technology to grow worldwide. Take USAID
for example
, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students of Pakistan to showcase their potential around the globe, by granting them scholarships in almost all educational fields and other research facilities which were not
easily
available in Pakistan.
Thus
, helping needful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing.

Secondly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their hospital and medical facilities can build a healthy relation among those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and can promote peace at international level. This can
be done
by supporting them
financially
to construct advance hospitals, providing them with
A determiner is probably missing here: “the latest”.
latest
laboratory equipment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
medicines and vaccines, which can be
easily
available to their citizens. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
illustration of this is
Did you mean “COVID-19” or the alternative spelling “Covid-19” (= coronavirus)?
COVID19
, when China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
Pakistan by providing huge numbers of ventilators and masks to fight against this pandemic.
As a result
, Pakistan has a friendly relationship with China. As this example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
notion to aid deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the department of health care.

To conclude
, by supporting needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and health care department, we can promote peace globally and can give chances to talented pupils to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their capabilities.
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IELTS essay Some people think that rich countries should support poor countries in terms of aid for health care and education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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