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Some people think that public funds should be spent on prevention of disease and promoting a healthy lifestyle and not on treatment of people who are ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that public funds should be spent on prevention of disease and promoting a healthy lifestyle and not on treatment of people who are ill. BLnbd
Many people think that the government should invest more money in a public health scheme to prevent diseases instead of hospitalization subsidies. I strongly agree that it is the best way to develop a healthy lifestyle. It is true that nowadays many people are suffering from a variety of diseases, and most of the diseases are as a consequence of their lifestyle. Due to the high medication expense, many people can’t afford to pay their hospital bills. Therefore, the government should provide medical subsidies, however prevention is better than medication. The most compelling reason for holding my viewpoint is that most of the people are suffering diseases because of their lifestyles. Majority of people including me love to eat unhealthy foods, watching netflix all day and lying down on the sofa the whole day without moving an inch. Therefore, the government should conduct wellness sharing sessions, outdoor activities, and give free access to gyms or other sports centers like swimming pools to stimulate the people to stay active. On the other hand, being active cannot prevent all diseases like seasonal flu or many other diseases. That is the main reason that the government needs to invest more money or add more benefits in healthcare schemes. Furthermore, society should negotiate with the insurance companies to offer better health insurance plans not only to the public but also to employers buying insurance for their employees. In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea that the government should spend more money to promote a healthy lifestyle. The reason for this is that people should be aware of their own living styles, to do so the rate of suffering disease can be reduced, and the people can live their lives happily. Given this situation, it is crucial that people live a healthy life and stay active.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest more money in a public health scheme to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
instead
of hospitalization subsidies. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is the best way to develop a healthy lifestyle.

It is true that nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are as a consequence of their lifestyle. Due to the high medication expense,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can’t afford to pay their hospital bills.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide medical subsidies,
however
prevention is better than medication.

The most compelling reason for holding my viewpoint is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lifestyles. Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to eat unhealthy foods, watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
netflix
all day and lying down on the sofa the whole day without moving an inch.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should conduct wellness sharing sessions, outdoor activities, and give free access to gyms or other sports centers like swimming pools to stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay active.

On the other hand
, being active cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like seasonal flu or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
That is
the main reason that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to invest more money or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more benefits in healthcare schemes.
Furthermore
, society should negotiate with the insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to offer better health insurance plans not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to employers buying insurance for their employees.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more money to promote a healthy lifestyle.
The reason for this is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
living styles, to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the rate of suffering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
happily
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it is crucial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life and stay active.
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IELTS essay Some people think that public funds should be spent on prevention of disease and promoting a healthy lifestyle and not on treatment of people who are ill.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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