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Some people think that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree/ disagree?

Some people think that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. dbmr
There is no doubt that, celebrates have higher wage comparing with some important professionals who are involved in the health and education sector. These days some people opine that this is an injustice towards these professionals because they are the unsung hero of the society so they need to pay more. I am completely agree with this statement. Some job has the higher contribution to the society comparing with other, these include doctors, nurses and other health sectors worker also a teacher. This is because they work directly under difficult circumstances. For example, during Covid 19 pandemic, all types of institutions were closed down to control the spread of the disease, whereas doctors and health workers work directly with the patients during the entire time of the pandemics. Furthermore, they work hard throughout their career comparing with celebrates. Most of their career is full of struggles. For instance, doctors need a continuous study to cope with recent advancements. A similar thing goes with teachers they need professional certification. Moreover, they spend little time with their families due to their professional responsibilities, they work days and nights. For example, a gynecologist needs to work even on the night shift. So sometimes they miss family gatherings and miss important events of their family life. Besides entertainment is not the basic requirement thus spending money lavishly on this sector is a total wastage of money. Along with the usual wage celebrates also earn money from sponsorship. To summarize, I agree that people involve in the health and education sector should pay more for their significant contribution to the betterment of society.
There is no doubt that, celebrates have higher wage comparing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
who
are involved
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. These days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that this is an injustice towards these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the unsung hero of the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay more. I am completely
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this statement.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
job has the higher contribution to the society comparing with other, these include doctors, nurses and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
worker
also
a teacher. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
directly
under difficult circumstances.
For example
, during
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
pandemic, all types of institutions
were closed
down to control the spread of the disease, whereas doctors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
directly
with the patients during the entire time of the pandemics.

Furthermore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
throughout their career comparing with celebrates. Most of their career is full of struggles.
For instance
, doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a continuous study to cope with recent advancements. A similar thing goes with teachers they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
certification.

Moreover
, they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time with their families due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
responsibilities, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
days and nights.
For example
, a gynecologist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even on the night shift.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they miss family gatherings and miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of their family life.

Besides
entertainment is not the basic requirement
thus
spending money
lavishly
on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is a total wastage of money. Along with the usual wage celebrates
also
earn money from sponsorship.

To summarize
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involve in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
should pay more for their significant contribution to the betterment of society.
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IELTS essay Some people think that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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