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Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes.

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. wl6l
Nowadays money, being an essential part of our life, has had ascendance on the people ever since it was first invented. It is considered that if there was no poverty, there wouldn’t be the most of crime. And I completely agree with this statement. The purpose of this essay is to examine how poverty can be related to delinquency. First of all, lack of funds forces people to get involved in crime. In other words, poor people unable to provide themselves with adequate food and other basic needs. Consequently, this, in turn, arise the idea of doing something illegal as the only way out. Furthermore, scarcity, preventing a person from seeing constructive solution of his problems, has a huge psychological impact. For example, poorness, which can be caused by different reasons, makes a person unhappy, creating more and more problems in his way. Therefore, most of the time criminal is a desperate act of offender. On the other hand, poverty is a consequence of various factors, such as economical, medical, educational, social etc. This means that these items responsible for the confidence in the future. For instance, limited income and joblessness push people to commit crimes in order to get rich quickly. Especially, when a luxury, successful lifestyle is promoted around the world, human values change. Hence, the number of offences increase. To sum up, poverty is one of the primary reasons that lead to the majority of crime. And if the importance of money was not be so strong, most people probably wouldn’t commit crimes.
Nowadays money, being an essential part of our life, has had ascendance on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ever since it was
first
invented. It
is considered
that if there was no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, there wouldn’t be the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. And I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. The purpose of this essay is to examine how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
can
be related
to delinquency.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, lack of funds forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
In other words
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unable to provide themselves with adequate food and other basic needs.
Consequently
, this, in turn, arise the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of doing something illegal as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way out.
Furthermore
, scarcity, preventing a person from seeing constructive solution of his problems, has a huge psychological impact.
For example
, poorness, which can
be caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person unhappy, creating more and more problems in his way.
Therefore
, most of the time criminal is a desperate act of offender.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is a consequence of various factors, such as economical, medical, educational, social etc. This means that these items responsible for the confidence in the future.
For instance
, limited income and joblessness push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich
quickly
.
Especially
, when a luxury, successful lifestyle
is promoted
around the world, human values
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Hence
, the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
increase.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is one of the primary reasons that lead to the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. And if the importance of money was not
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
probably
wouldn’t commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.

IELTS essay Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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