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Some people think that people will forget their own tradition and history because they no longer wear their traditional costumes. Do you agree or disagree

Some people think that people will forget their own tradition and history because they no longer wear their traditional costumes. pLXA9
One’s bond to his/her customs does not necessarily depend on the clothes he/she wears. Traditions are more like mental values rather than pieces of clothing you put on. Therefore, I find the idea quite ungrounded. The trend in clothing has been changing dramatically since 1950s when people became more willing to try out various fashion other than what they just wear according to their mentality. Thus, immense exchange rate amongst world’s nations has led to usage of traditional costumes to slightly become old-fashioned or not preferable. Moreover, numerous members of generation Z do not feel comfortable enough to carry traditional accessories while their peers follow the newest fashion. What’s more, history of one’s country and customs related to it, should be represented by education and knowledge rather than wearing a costume without knowing its true meaning. On this occasion, teachers must provide implement information that enlightens students’ horizon over the subject. In conclusion, People must be educated about where they come from and what’s in the root of their essence. So that, mental values will not be lost if it is truly understood especially by the new generation.
One’s bond to his/her customs does not
necessarily
depend on the clothes he/she wears. Traditions are more like mental values
rather
than pieces of clothing you put on.
Therefore
, I find the
idea
quite ungrounded.

The trend in clothing has been changing
dramatically
since 1950s when
people
became more willing to try out various fashion other than what they
just
wear according to their mentality.
Thus
, immense exchange rate amongst world’s nations has led to usage of traditional costumes to
slightly
become
old
-fashioned or not preferable.
Moreover
, numerous members of generation Z do not feel comfortable
enough
to carry traditional accessories while their peers follow the newest fashion.

What’s more, history of one’s country and customs related to it, should
be represented
by education and knowledge
rather
than wearing a costume without knowing its true meaning. On this occasion, teachers
must
provide implement information that enlightens students’ horizon over the subject.

In conclusion
,
People
must
be educated
about where they
come
from and what’s in the root of their essence.
So
that, mental values will not
be lost
if it is
truly
understood
especially
by the new generation.
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IELTS essay Some people think that people will forget their own tradition and history because they no longer wear their traditional costumes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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