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some people think that people should not change their jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves,company and society. discuss both view and give opinion.

some people think that people should not change their jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves, company and society. YmXMV
In modern times, due to the innovation of society, some people consider that they should not change their jobs while others believe that people should because it would be beneficial for themselves, company and society. This is a controversial matter that impacts the equality of jobs in the future. Thus, this essay will explore details before reaching any conclusion. Indeed, when having a stable job, people can complete their skill in the best way. It is true that some people do not change their job regularly because they want stability and long term cooperation. As a consequence, they have opportunities to improve their skills and become seniors which can be a potential leader. Currently, companies distribute staff who have long experience to train apprentices with higher salaries. In addition, some people argue that when having a stable job, they will have better insurance later that is helpful in old age. On the other hand, changing jobs can diversify their working ability and experience. Because they have changes in different areas. Moreover, it helps people create more relationships and burnish there's CV which is necessary to advance their career. Some people think that when changing their jobs, they can make a comparison and select the best option. In some circumstances, previous jobs are not suitable for them so they have to find new ones to progress and develop in different environments. From my point of view, when changing their jobs regularly, they can make a bad impression for companies. Therefore, having stable jobs is safer and does not waste time to prove their abilities. In conclusion, if they change their jobs, it will have some disadvantages for their career. Thus, people should make more effort to have a solid job.
In modern times, due to the innovation of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that they should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would be beneficial for themselves,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and society. This is a controversial matter that impacts the equality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the future.
Thus
, this essay will explore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching any conclusion.

Indeed
, when having a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can complete their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in the best way. It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want stability and long term cooperation. As a consequence, they have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and become seniors which can be a potential leader.
Currently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
distribute staff who have long
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "experienced".
experience
to train apprentices with higher salaries.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that when having a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will have better insurance later
that is
helpful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

On the other hand
, changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can diversify their working ability and experience.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create more relationships and burnish there's CV which is necessary to advance their career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when changing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a comparison and select the best option. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are not suitable for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find new ones to progress and develop in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environments.

From my point of view, when changing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
regularly
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Therefore
, having stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is safer and does not waste time to prove their abilities.

In conclusion
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, it will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for their career.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more effort to have a solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay some people think that people should not change their jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves, company and society.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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