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Some people think that online games are beneficial for children, while other oppose the view. Discuss both views.

Some people think that online games are beneficial for children, while other oppose the view. 7podY
Without a doubt, the influence of online games on children is being increased by the advancement of technology. As per the scenario, it is argued by a group of people online games have positive impacts on children, whereas a group of masses oppose this view. Therefore, needful aspects are being on the way in order to discuss both views. At the outset, a great deal of arguments support that online games are quite beneficial for the grown ups. Primarily, offsprings can learn numerous skills with the help of playing games in the technical gizmos. To explain it, most of the children are likely to play games with their friends that can be helpful to learn new skills like; co-operation, communication, dicision making and so on, because most of the online games require immediate decision and children have to have decision making skill in order to be at the first position. Secondly, children can earn name and fame in early age by these games. To unfold it, by having a great grip on playing offsprings can upload their performance on social media and they would definitely be popular, if they play well. On the other hand, a myriad of negatives can be associated with playing online games. First and foremost, children may lag behind in their academic. To elaborate it, spending too much time on online games has become the tendency of almost every child. In this way they are not able to perform very well in their academics because children do not done a lot of practice on their school work so they made in leg behind in academics. Apart from this, family relationship among people can be destroyed by online games, while playing games children do not talk with their parents that can be deleterious for family relationship of people. To justify it, a survey has been conducted in India and this survey they shown that almost 43% children are not likely to talk with their parents due to playing online games. On the basis of about it can be concluded that online games are quite beneficial for the children because in this way they can various kind of skills; however, negatives off online games cannot be denied.
Without a doubt, the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
being increased
by the advancement of technology. As per the scenario, it
is argued
by a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas a group of masses
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "opposes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'oppose' is not always incorrect.)
oppose
this view.
Therefore
, needful aspects are being on the way in order to discuss both views.

At the outset, a great deal of arguments
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "supports"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'support' is not always incorrect.)
support
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are quite beneficial for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
grown ups
.
Primarily
,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings can
learn numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the technical gizmos. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their friends that can be helpful to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like; co-operation, communication,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicision
making and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
require immediate decision and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in order to be at the
first
position.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can earn name and fame in early age by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. To unfold it, by having a great grip on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings can
upload their performance on social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
media and
they would definitely be popular, if they play well.

On the other hand
, a myriad of negatives can
be associated
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may lag behind in their academic. To elaborate it, spending too much time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has become the tendency of almost every child. In this way they are not able to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well in their academics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "do"?
done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
practice on their school work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they made in leg behind in academics. Apart from this, family relationship among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not talk with their parents that can be deleterious for family relationship of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To justify it, a survey has
been conducted
in India and this survey they shown that almost 43%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not likely to talk with their parents due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games.

On the basis of about it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are quite beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this way they can various kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
;
however
, negatives off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cannot
be denied
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that online games are beneficial for children, while other oppose the view.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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