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Some people think that parents should not give their children expensive presents Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give your opinion and examples based on you own experience v.2

Some people think that parents should not give their children expensive presents Give your opinion and examples based on you own experience v. 2
Some people put forward the idea that parents should not make purchase for costly gifts for their offsprings. Despite many agreement on presenting costly gifts, I stand with the former opinion. This essay will first explain the reason why many people choose high-priced presents, then it will give the reason for my agreement with the former one. Many parents purchase expensive presents for their children, regardless of what they may be. First of all, they believe that costly toys or clothes as gifts for children reflect their social status, which means the more expensive the presents are, the more well-off their family is. For example, instead of dashing to the nearest bakery to make purchase for a ready-made cake, some parents would try their best to throw a big costly birthday party for their children. Secondly, they go the extra miles to get the high-priced stuff for their offsprings in the belief that these presents will show the unconditional love from them to their beloved children, without knowing that this could harm the children to some extent. On the other hand, expensive gifts do bring the children harm, which we can hardly realize right after giving the children these gifts. The first disadvantage to mention is that the children will become over-reliant on the parents, to be more precise, the costly gifts from parents. The parents keep purchasing high-priced gifts to the children, resulting in an increase the demands for more expensive presents. A prime example is that average-priced jeans can not satisfy the children who are familiar to the high-priced gifts and they will cave for another pair. That is one disadvantage, one can not forget to mention is pampering children by giving them expensive gifts would discourage the children from appreciating the effort made by their parents to get that costly item for them. As a consequence, the children grow up becoming ungrateful ones. All in all, giving expensive gifts should be considered carefully to make sure that no unexpected consequence will happen. However, I would encourage parents to present the gifts with their heart, no matter how expensive they are.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
put forward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
agreement on presenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
, I stand with the former opinion. This essay will
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-priced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
, then it will give the reason for my agreement with the former one.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, regardless of what they may be.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costly
toys or clothes as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reflect their social status, which means the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
are, the more well-off their family is.
For example
,
instead
of dashing to the nearest bakery to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for a ready-made cake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would try their best to throw a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costly
birthday party for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, they go the extra miles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-priced
stuff for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
in the belief that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from them to their beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, without knowing that this could harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
do bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
harm, which we can hardly realize right after giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
. The
first
disadvantage to mention is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become over-reliant on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, to be more precise, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-priced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, resulting in an increase the demands for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
. A prime example is that average-priced jeans can not satisfy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are familiar to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-priced
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gifts and
they will cave for another pair.
That is
one disadvantage, one can not forget to mention is pampering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
would discourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from appreciating the effort made by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costly
item for them. As a consequence, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up becoming ungrateful ones.

All in all, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
should
be considered
carefully
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that no unexpected consequence will happen.
However
, I would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
with their heart, no matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
they are.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should not give their children expensive presents Give your opinion and examples based on you own experience v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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