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When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 5
With an increasing rate of population worldwide, the development of new towns and cities with the various facilities is being considered by the government to accommodate a large number of people. While some people believe building the shopping centre would yield more ultimate benefit for the new urban areas, I would claim that public parks or gym will deliver more practical gains to the general public. Admittedly, it is acknowledged by many people that shopping places may facilitate the growth of the local economy as a large number of people make the purchases; thus, creating an active momentum of the cash flow within the local community. However, a similar degree of momentum can be created by small shops in the urban area; therefore, the benefit of the shopping centre will become marginal in the ultimate perspective. Alternatively, the community is able to improve people's health by building sports facilities and create a good looking place by constructing well-maintained public parks. This yields a substantial gain for the general public, as people can become more healthy with an improved impression of the town. Additionally, building parks with natural trees and plants will assist to reduce the general degree of air pollution, and the importance of such facility is especially pronounced if the city is to become one of the biggest metropolitan areas. For example, an increased population in the city leads to an increased amount of the exhausted gas, such as carbon dioxide; the local community has to develop a method to alleviate the air pollution levels. Furthermore, if the city construction groups or the government does not build a public park, a number of problems regarding with air quality will be inevitable, and the local people in the town will face the increased problems with their respiratory systems. To conclude, although some benefits can be observed by building the shopping malls in the town, substantial gains by building public parks and sports facilities outweigh the benefits provided by the shopping malls.
With an increasing rate of population worldwide, the development of new towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
with the various facilities is
being considered
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to accommodate
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
would yield more ultimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
for the new urban areas, I would claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
or gym will deliver more practical gains to the
Consider using "public".
general public
.

Admittedly
, it
is acknowledged
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
places may facilitate the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy as
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
;
thus
, creating an active momentum of the cash flow within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community.
However
, a similar degree of momentum can
be created
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shops in the urban area;
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
will become marginal
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from the ultimate perspective".
in the ultimate perspective
.
Alternatively
, the community is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
sports facilities and create a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
place by constructing well-maintained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
. This yields a substantial gain for the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become more healthy with an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
impression of the town.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
with natural trees and plants will assist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the general degree of air pollution, and the importance of such facility is
especially
pronounced if the city is to become one of the biggest metropolitan areas.
For example
, an increased population in the city leads to an increased amount of the exhausted gas, such as carbon dioxide; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
develop a method to alleviate the air pollution levels.
Furthermore
, if the city construction groups or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, a number of problems regarding with air quality will be inevitable, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the town will face the increased problems with their respiratory systems.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
can
be observed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls in the town, substantial gains by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sports facilities outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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