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Some people think that parents and teachers should highly monitor the behavior of children while others think that they should do what they want Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that parents and teachers should highly monitor the behavior of children while others think that they should do what they want 2lKqA
Children’s behavior oftentimes has required monitoring by parents and teachers, but to what extent should it be deemed necessary and when should we allow the child themselves the opportunities to do what they want? While I disagree with the statement of children needing extensive supervision from parents and teachers, we will go into deeper analysis of both sides of the argument. With regards to highly monitoring children, their age and emotional intelligence play significant factors in determining its necessity. At a younger age, children may need to be highly monitored because they need to be taught the consequences of their actions. For example, understanding the consequences of putting their hand on an oven stove can damage their hand. Furthermore, when children grow older their emotional intelligence can develop at a different pace. Children tend to turn towards immature ego defences when they encounter adversity. For instance, throwing a temper tantrum or acting-out when they are unhappy with an unfavorable outcome. Careful insight is required when children display such tendencies. On the other hand, I side with the parents that allow children to do what they want as this creates a sense of autonomy and consciousness. Children should make their own decisions at a young age as this teaches them invaluable attributes needed later on in their life such as recognizing and resolving mistakes on their own. In addition, these children develop a better sense of consciousness as they will be more aware of their surroundings and will require less guidance as they grow older. To conclude, every child should be raised in their own unique way. While it is true that younger children may need to be highly monitored by parents and teachers up until a certain age, older children should be given the opportunity to do what they want until a reason for intervention is required.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
behavior oftentimes has required monitoring by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to what extent should it
be deemed
necessary and when should we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the child themselves the opportunities to do what they want? While I disagree with the statement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needing extensive supervision from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers, we will go into deeper analysis of both sides of the argument.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
highly
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and emotional intelligence play significant factors in determining its necessity. At a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may need to be
highly
monitored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to
be taught
the consequences of their actions.
For example
, understanding the consequences of putting their hand on an oven stove can damage their hand.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow older their emotional intelligence can develop at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
tend to turn towards immature ego
Possible spelling mistake. 'defences' is British English.
defences
when they encounter adversity.
For instance
, throwing a temper tantrum or acting-out when they are unhappy with an unfavorable outcome. Careful insight
is required
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
display such tendencies.

On the other hand
, I side with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do what they want as this creates a sense of autonomy and consciousness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as this teaches them invaluable attributes needed later on in their life such as recognizing and resolving mistakes on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop a better sense of consciousness as they will be more aware of their surroundings and will require less guidance as they grow older.

To conclude
, every child should
be raised
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique way. While it is true that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may need to be
highly
monitored by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers up until a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to do what they want until a reason for intervention
is required
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that parents and teachers should highly monitor the behavior of children while others think that they should do what they want

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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