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Moving to another city with my parents

Moving to another city with my parents 75PVn
A few years ago, my parents and I moved to Shiraz because of my father's job It was a very good city Shiraz is the cultural capital of Iran, the second literary city in the world and the third religious city of Iran and the people were very hospitable and kind The people of Shiraz treated us so friendly that we never felt alone We missed our family in Karaj and Tehran, but we did not feel homesick I studied there for 4 years and made many friends This was the best experience of my life. Friendship with those who are not my fellow citizens. Of course, the experiences I had in Shiraz cannot be counted. I can honestly say that my best experience has been migrating to Shiraz Going to Shiraz was not just an experience for me, but a good and unique event If I go there again, I will stay there forever because there is more peace there and I feel that a carefree life can be had there.
A few years ago, my parents and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to
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Shiraz
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because
of my father's job It was a
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very
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good
city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shiraz
is the cultural capital of Iran, the second literary city in the world and the third religious city of Iran and the
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people
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hospitable and kind The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
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Shiraz
treated us
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so
friendly that we never felt alone We missed our family in
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Karaj
and Tehran,
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but
we did not feel homesick I studied there for 4 years and made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends This was the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of my life. Friendship with those who are not my fellow citizens.
Of course
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
I had in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shiraz
cannot
be counted
.

I can
honestly
say that my best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
has been migrating to Shiraz

Going to
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Shiraz
was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event


If I go there again, I will stay there forever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is more peace there and I feel that a carefree life can
be had
there.
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IELTS essay Moving to another city with my parents

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
172 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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