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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. a1Y7
Playing computer games are increasingly popular today with the increased availability of technologies and equipment. Some people argued that activities outside the house are more advantageous for the growth and development of young children, while others think otherwise. I strongly believe that outdoor activities are more beneficial because they will improve physical activities and social interactions. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, my opinion and elaborate further. Firstly, outdoor activities are very beneficial to our children because it helps them to not only have fun but also exercise and keep their body fit and healthy. Moreover, it enables them to socialise with their peers and others in the community. For example, we play a lot outside our house or our neighbour's playground with my siblings, as well as their kids. We were all fit and healthy due to the games activities we performed. I believe that activities that are done outside the homes are vital to the growth and development of children, physically and mentally. On the other hand, playing computer games is very common in children today due to the increased availability of technology and devices for them to utilise. Although it can improve their knowledge of technology for future purposes, it can lead to a sedentary lifestyle and ignorant of essential activities such as eating, exercise and socialising. For instance, I noticed my 9-year-old son gaining some weight because he has been playing computer games every single day during the December school holiday. He failed to eat on time and has not been playing outside for a long time. This shows how important it is for children to divide their time accordingly and use it wisely because it will help them physically, mentally and socially. In conclusion, I strongly believe that outdoor activities are more advantageous because they can build up a child's fitness to stay healthy and socialise more with people in the community. However, playing computer games is not bad if parents and caregivers can control it and keep to a safe level.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
increasingly
popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
with the increased availability of technologies and equipment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
are more advantageous for the growth and development of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. I
strongly
believe that outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and social interactions. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, my opinion and elaborate
further
.

Firstly
, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have fun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
exercise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit and healthy.
Moreover
, it enables them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with their peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
in the community.
For example
, we play a lot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
's playground with my siblings,
as well
as their kids. We were all fit and healthy due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
we performed. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
are done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the homes are vital to the growth and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
physically
and mentally.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
due to the increased availability of technology and devices for them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
. Although it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge of technology for future purposes, it can lead to a sedentary lifestyle and ignorant of essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as eating, exercise and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
.
For instance
, I noticed my 9-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
son gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
every single day during the December school holiday. He failed to eat on time and has not been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
for a long time. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to divide their time
accordingly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
physically
, mentally and
socially
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can build up a child's fitness to stay healthy and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
more with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the community.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
if parents and caregivers can control it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
to a safe level.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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