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Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. What is your view on this? Give reasons and relevant examples for your answer.

Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. What is your view on this? Give reasons and relevant examples for your answer. KGwEN
It is argued that employees who have been working for a company for many years ought to be promoted to a higher post. I completely disagree with this opinion because young employers who have recently joined the company would not exert all their efforts, and these employees also have more innovative ideas and much information about advanced technology which definitely boost the economy of the company. Employers who have joined the company would not give their hundred percents to their tasks because they have already acknowledged that how much they put all their efforts for producing excellent results, they will only be promoted after a long time. Therefore, I completely demur that experienced employees should be promoted for a higher post because young ones will never get a chance to showcase their real skills. For instance, in pharmaceutical industry, many young ones do not join because they hardly work according to them. Furthermore, young people have a great deal of knowledge with regard advanced technology that certainly boosts the company growth, they know that how to effectively use it for different purposes. Moreover, there is no doubts that because of they are young and fresh mind, they have many innovative ideas which help the company to run smoothly and produce better results. Hence, I firmly disagree with this opinion that the higher position of a company is only taken by employers who have been working for the company for a long time. For instance, one young man has recently joined Google because he resolved a problem with algorithms. To sum up, young people would not show their real skills in front of co-workers, and the new generation has a lot of knowledge about modern technology which boosts the growth of the company. Therefore, I firmly disagree that experienced ones should get this golden opportunity to get a higher position.
It
is argued
that employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ought to
be promoted
to a higher post. I completely disagree with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would not exert all their efforts, and these employees
also
have more innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and much information about advanced technology which definitely boost the economy of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would not give their hundred percents to their tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have already acknowledged that how much they put all their efforts for producing excellent results, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be promoted
after a long time.
Therefore
, I completely demur that experienced employees should
be promoted
for a higher post
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to showcase their real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, in pharmaceutical industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hardly work according to them.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a great deal of knowledge with regard advanced technology that
certainly
boosts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
growth, they know that how to
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes.
Moreover
,
Did you mean "there are no doubts"?
there is no doubts
that
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and fresh mind, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to run
smoothly
and produce better results.
Hence
, I
firmly
disagree with this opinion that the higher position of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
taken by employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been working for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for a long time.
For instance
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
Google
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he resolved a problem with algorithms.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in front of co-workers, and the new generation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge about modern technology which boosts the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Therefore
, I
firmly
disagree that experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this golden opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher position.
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IELTS essay Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. What is your view on this? Give reasons and relevant examples for your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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