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Write about yourself if you see after few years

Write about yourself if you see after few years o6Rqq
In the present day, due to a drastic surge in urbanization, the overall population of the metropolitan cities has shot up. This has effected the people both positively and negatively. Although some people believe that this has brought a positive impact, it is evident that the quality of life has been continuously deteriorating. All the people are staying focused on the work for the majority of the time. The number of businesses in the cities is commensurate with the population. As the businesses increase, so would the job availability. Hence, there is an increase in the salaried employees. Most of the salaried employees are under stress every day because of their overloaded work. All their thoughts are aligned with their profession and they'd care less about the life outside their job. Although this would help them succeed in their career, it is at cost of their quality of life. They would not relish the beauty of the real-life while they stay preoccupied with their professional work all the time. Along with the hectic work life, many people are turning parochial. The people living in the metropolitan cities have become so self-centered that they are inconsiderate of anyone who isn't in their family. They only want their family to benefit, only their family to prosper, and are not willing to help anyone who isn't a part of it. This kind of attitude would eventually lead to hatred and envious qualities, finally robbing of peace of mind. So to conclude, with the growth in population of the metropolitan cities, people are staying more focussed on work and are being self-centered, causing poor quality of life.
In the present day, due to a drastic surge in urbanization, the
overall
population of the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has shot up. This has effected the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both
positively
and
negatively
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this has brought a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact, it is evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has been
continuously
deteriorating.

All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are staying focused on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the majority of the time. The number of businesses in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is commensurate with the population. As the businesses increase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
would the job availability.
Hence
, there is an increase in the salaried employees. Most of the salaried employees are under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
every day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their overloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. All their thoughts
are aligned
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
profession and
they'd care less about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
outside their job. Although this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them succeed in their career, it is at cost of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They would not relish the beauty of the real-life while they stay preoccupied with their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all the time.

Along with the hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are turning parochial. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
self-centered that they are inconsiderate of anyone who isn't in their family. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want their family to benefit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their family to prosper, and are not willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
anyone who isn't a part of it. This kind of attitude would
eventually
lead to hatred and envious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
,
finally
robbing of peace of mind.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to conclude
, with the growth in population of the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are staying more focussed on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and are being self-centered, causing poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Write about yourself if you see after few years

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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