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Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. v. 2
There are those who believe that current affairs reports and various other means of transmitting information are beneficial to humanity, and on the other hand, there are those who dispute this. I totally disagree with the opinion because the news and media deceive people and make them feel depressed. The main reason why I believe that the news and media are harming our life is that they have been used as an effective tool by people with power and money throughout history. In particular, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases, media, such as newspapers and radio broadcasts, have been manipulated by governments. Consequently, many people have been damaged mentally and physically; many German soldiers died young for the Nazis; people in the world currently have lost their jobs and normal life because of the unprecedented virus, and corrupted media helped to hide the reality. Another reason why I support the notion that our livelihoods are being harmed by various forms of media is that they can make people exceptionally frustrated when celebrities’ lives are exposed to the public. For example, if a daughter of a big hotel owner, such as Paris Hilton who has never been poor, shows off her everyday life of extravagance wasting hundreds of fashion items, and TV also highlights her luxurious life. Therefore, consuming an enormous amount of time on Instagram to glance celebrities’ lives, people might lose a willingness to have a good and faithful everyday life. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the opinion that news and media are making our life positively because they are manipulative and make people discouraged. Given this situation, it seems that people should have a keen insight in order to differentiate true from false when they get new information from any source.
There are those who believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs reports and various other means of transmitting information are beneficial to humanity, and
on the other hand
, there are those who dispute this. I
totally
disagree with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
deceive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel depressed.

The main reason why I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are harming our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is that they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an effective tool by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with power and money throughout history.
In particular
, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, such as newspapers and radio broadcasts, have
been manipulated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been damaged
mentally and
physically
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
German soldiers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
young for the Nazis;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
currently
have lost their jobs and normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unprecedented virus, and corrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the reality.

Another reason why I support the notion that our livelihoods are
being harmed
by various forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exceptionally
frustrated when celebrities’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are exposed
to the public.
For example
, if a daughter of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hotel owner, such as Paris Hilton who has never been poor,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
off her everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of extravagance wasting hundreds of fashion items, and TV
also
highlights her luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, consuming an enormous amount of time on Instagram to glance celebrities’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might lose a willingness to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and faithful everyday life.

In conclusion
, I completely disagree with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are making our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
positively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are manipulative and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discouraged.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a keen insight in order to differentiate true from false when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
information from any source.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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