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Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, other say it has more disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, other say it has more disadvantages. v. 1
It is important to consider whether to give homework to pupils or not by their educators. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and then give my own perspective on this matter. On on side of the argument, there are people who argue that homework should not be given to school children by their teachers. The main reason for believing this is that children could use their time-after- school in leisure activities. Since such spare-time activities are vital for youngsters' development, both physical and mental, it is essential to provide them with the opportunities to engage in sports or other fruitful activities to freshen up their minds and bodies. For example, according to a survey conducted by NewYork's School Association, pupils who are not given homework, utilize their time by engaging in sports activities, and usually appear to be more active than other schools students. On the other hand, it is often argued that homework has an effective contribution in youngsters' education. This is because small assignments or tasks to be done after school time often keep students engaged and occupied, thus helping them in developing their cognitive skills which is useful for them in their educational life. For instance, students who spend their time at home in completing homework are usually more productive and achieve remarkable grades in their exams. A second point is that such pupils develop the habit of hard work in the form of studying at home also, other than school. This extra study time makes them strong and prepare them for the struggle to be done in their professional life. In conclusion, I believe both sides have their merits. On balance, I tend to believe that homework, surely, is beneficial for a student's academic life as it provides him with the benefits of developing cognitive abilities as well as the tendency to face hardships in upcoming life
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider whether to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
to pupils or not by their educators. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and then give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective on this matter.

Possible typo: you repeated a word
On on
side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children by their teachers. The main reason for believing this is that children could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time-after-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Since such spare-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are vital for youngsters' development, both physical and mental, it is essential to provide them with the opportunities to engage in sports or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fruitful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to freshen up their minds and bodies.
For example
, according to a survey conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
NewYork
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
Association, pupils who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
, utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by engaging in sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and
usually
appear to be more active than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
students.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
has an effective contribution in youngsters' education. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
assignments or tasks to
be done
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
students engaged and occupied,
thus
helping them in developing their cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which is useful for them in their educational life.
For instance
, students who spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home in completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
are
usually
more productive and achieve remarkable grades in their exams. A second point is that such pupils develop the habit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work in the form of studying at home
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This extra study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them strong and prepare them for the struggle to
be done
in their professional life.

In conclusion
, I believe both sides have their merits. On balance, I tend to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
,
surely
, is beneficial for a student's academic life as it provides him with the benefits of developing cognitive abilities
as well
as the tendency to face hardships in upcoming
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, other say it has more disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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