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If you could donate a large amount of money to scientific or medical research, which field(in need of more research) would you like it to be used? Include details and examples. v.1

If you could donate a large amount of money to scientific or medical research, which field(in need of more research) would you like it to be used? Include details and examples. v. 1
Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. There is a school of thought thinking that teachers should not give homework for children, while other people hold a view that homework is an essential part of education. I personally would side with the second view that children should be given homework. On the one hand, there are numerous reasons why people believe that teachers should not give assignments for learners. The first reason is that students are always under an enormous amount of study pressure from school and still have to spend most of their time at home to finish homework of the next day. It means that the students will spend less quality time to develop relationships with their family, their friends and for outdoor activities. The second reason is that subjects at school these days are more about theory, and learners are less likely to be exposed to practical experiences. In Vietnam, for example, those who study chemistry or physics have to deal with a lot of theoretical homework rather than doing experiments. On the other hand, those who firmly believe in the importance of assignments give out several benefits of it. Firstly, doing assignments at home could significantly help learners remember the formula more easily especially in mathematics or chemistry. In reality, Individuals claim that in order to remember a mathematical formula, learners have to do several similar tasks, and the time at school is sort of not enough for them. Therefore, practicing similar tasks at home is the optimal option for students. Secondly, Homework in tertiary education is not only about some simple exercises, but it could also be an assignment for groups of people or research. By doing this, it helps students to reach their full potential in learning. In conclusion, although a large number of people think that homework is truly a burden for students, I still hold a belief that it is an indispensable part of education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
by their teachers, whereas others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Discuss both of these views and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

There is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
thinking that teachers should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold a view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is an essential part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I
personally
would side with the second view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
homework.

On the one hand, there are numerous reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that teachers should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignments
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
. The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are always under an enormous amount of study pressure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend most of their time at home to finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
of the
next
day. It means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will spend less quality time to develop relationships with their family, their friends and for outdoor activities. The second reason is that subjects at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
these days are more about theory, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
are less likely to
be exposed
to practical experiences. In Vietnam,
for example
, those who study chemistry or physics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
rather
than doing experiments.

On the other hand
, those who
firmly
believe in the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
out several benefits of it.
Firstly
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignments
at home could
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
remember the formula more
easily
especially
in mathematics or chemistry. In reality, Individuals claim that in order to remember a mathematical formula,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do several similar tasks, and the time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is sort of not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them.
Therefore
, practicing similar tasks at home is the optimal option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Homework
in tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple exercises,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could
also
be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
for groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or research. By doing this, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to reach their full potential in learning.

In conclusion
, although
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is
truly
a burden for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I
still
hold a belief that it is an indispensable part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could donate a large amount of money to scientific or medical research, which field(in need of more research) would you like it to be used? Include details and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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