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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.14

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. 14
These days, modern people are keen to think that the best gift for the teenagers as well as for the adults is money. However, others feel that the things such as books, handmade gifts and other non-material things are the best present for the next generation, as many individuals are reckoned to think that they shows the mutual respect and gratitude to the other people. On the one hand, it is true that nowadays more and more people are willing to receive the money instead of present. The reason for this is that with money they can purchase the thing which they are wanted. Furthermore, they can save the capital for the future. To illustrate, many children postpone their cash for the future, as they can add some currency and buy an expensive items and toys such as robot, car or helicopter. On the other hand, it is clear that many people are keen to receive books and library membership instead of cash, as they can spend their time profitably. Moreover, some individuals prefer to choose the opportunity rather than currency. For example, many young businessmen have chosen an experience of work, as is giving them a golden opportunity to earn in the future. In addition, some people believe that there are many valuable items such as advice and experience than the currency. In conclusion, although many people are willing to take the cash, some individuals prefer to choose other items. Personally, I believe that it is a practical option to choose the presents which are can give the education and knowledge.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best gift for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as well
as for the adults is money.
However
, others feel that the things such as books, handmade gifts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
non-material things are the best present for the
next
generation, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
are reckoned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "show"
shows
the mutual respect and gratitude to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, it is true that nowadays more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to receive the money
instead
of present.
The reason for this is
that with money they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the thing which they
are wanted
.
Furthermore
, they can save the capital for the future. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children postpone their cash for the future, as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
currency and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an expensive items and toys such as robot, car or helicopter.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to receive books and library membership
instead
of cash, as they can spend their time
profitably
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals prefer to choose the opportunity
rather
than currency.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young businessmen have chosen an experience of work, as is giving them a golden opportunity to earn in the future.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable items such as advice and experience than the currency.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to take the cash,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals prefer to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
items.
Personally
, I believe that it is a practical option to choose the presents which are can give the education and knowledge.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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