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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.12

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 12
In the modern era, People are always confused when they think of some gifts that need to give to the youth due to the variety of options available. While some people think money is the best gift that they can give as it removes the pain of giver in making choices the product along with the features that teenagers are always looking for; I think, offering money to the young ones can involve them in malicious activity and gifts are considered as a symbol of remembrance. Firstly, these days teenagers have a different type of choices for gifts, such as, digital games and electronic gadgets while some of people may not have much knowledge about it. Therefore, the adults may purchase simple traditional gifts, which may not be liked by them. Hence, money could be proven as a best presenting option. Secondly, it is observed that parents or older people while purchasing a gift, they may not check all the features as well as material while buying it and it may be useless for the receiver. For instance, parents gifting a watch to their son or daughter, youth would check for modern feature like world clock, stop watch and so on, while parents look out for basic feature of time displayed is accurate or not. If those modern features are not present, this would make them unhappy, although an expensive gift is gifted. On the other hand, money should not be given to younger children as they are not mature enough to decide where to spend the money. It is possible that cash might be spent on activity like gambling. They may buy items that are not age appropriate or items that are hazardous. In addition, some of these youngsters may develop a bad habit such as smoking or become a drug addict because they have cash to purchase whatever they want. In this way, they may squander the gifted money. However, other offerings like electronic gadget or gift card should be given to them to avoid unnecessary spending and buying. Moreover, gifts are reminders and when a person looks at the present, then he or she remembers the person who presented it and therefore, a money gift cannot take the place of the gifts in kind because people often forget about the cash presents. To illustrate, a person who has gifted a sports shoe to run for the marathon run, will always be remembered. In conclusion, I opine that, though people give money as a gift to teenagers, but purchase a product instead, will generate a mere feeling of love and closeness.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are always confused when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
that need to give to the youth due to the variety of options available. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
that they can give as it removes the pain of giver in making choices the product along with the features that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are always looking for; I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the young ones can involve them in malicious activity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are considered
as a symbol of remembrance.

Firstly
, these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
, such as, digital games and electronic gadgets while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not have much knowledge about it.
Therefore
, the adults may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
simple traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
, which may not
be liked
by them.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be proven
as
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best presenting option.

Secondly
, it
is observed
that parents or older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while purchasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
all the features
as well
as material while buying it and it may be useless for the receiver.
For instance
, parents gifting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to their son or daughter, youth would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
for modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feature
like world clock,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, while parents look out for basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feature
of time displayed is accurate or not. If those modern features are not present, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unhappy, although an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is gifted
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to younger children as they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to decide where to spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It is possible that cash might
be spent
on activity like gambling. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items that are not age appropriate or items that are hazardous.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these youngsters may develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit such as smoking or become a drug addict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have cash to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
whatever they want. In this way, they may squander the gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, other offerings like electronic gadget or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
card should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them to avoid unnecessary spending and buying.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are reminders and when a person looks at the present, then he or she remembers the person who presented it and
therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
cannot take the place of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
in kind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget about the cash presents. To illustrate, a person who has gifted a sports shoe to run for the marathon run, will always
be remembered
.

In conclusion
, I opine that, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a product
instead
, will generate a mere feeling of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and closeness.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 12

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
433 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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