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nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online than face to face. is this a positive or negative development. v.1

nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online than face to face. is this a positive or negative development. v. 1
Internet technology has become more popular these days. In this contemporary world, social media is being used by higher number of people instead of direct interaction. Although it has ample number of pros, it gets several cons throughout new progress. To commence with, regarding reasons, first is that connecting with online apps saves time and provides safety too. It means people have no time for meeting their relatives during hectic life as well as they feel secure in this crime world for travelling far away. Secondly, accessibility all time without any obstacle. People can get touched with loved ones anywhere across the globe easily by not having much trouble. To illustrate, some researchers claim that a higher percentage of online service users have been rising dramatically. So communication by using internet sources has got positive image. On the flip side, one coin has two sides, socialising by online also put negative effect on the masses. It is provided that without an intermediary conversation confidence level get altered and leads to shyness and fear. Furthermore, obesity is the foremost cause amongst youths due to the constant sitting on the computers in the absence of physical exercise. For instance, students of London university found out that 90% of people are getting fat due to less physically active. Wrapping up, getting in touch with others in person does play an imperative role rather than contact with online social routes.
Internet technology has become more popular these days. In this contemporary world, social media is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of direct interaction. Although it has ample number of pros, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
several cons throughout new progress.

To commence with, regarding reasons,
first
is that connecting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
apps saves time and provides safety too. It means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no time for meeting their relatives during hectic life
as well
as they feel secure in this crime world for travelling far away.
Secondly
, accessibility all time without any obstacle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
touched with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
anywhere across the globe
easily
by not having much trouble. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers claim that a higher percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
service users have been rising
dramatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
communication by using internet sources has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
image.

On the flip side, one coin has two sides,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
also
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the masses. It
is provided
that without an intermediary conversation confidence level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
altered and leads to shyness and fear.
Furthermore
, obesity is the foremost cause amongst youths due to the constant sitting on the computers in the absence of physical exercise.
For instance
, students of London university found out that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
due to less
physically
active.

Wrapping up, getting in touch with others in person does play an imperative role
rather
than contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
social routes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online than face to face. is this a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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