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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness? v.7

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 7
Nowadays, money is vital in all kinds of emergencies. However, a few public considered that happiness cannot be found without money. In my opinion, I think that, people can be happy with some money in life and there are some more factors those contributing towards happiness. Firstly, I think that people can enjoy the life with a low amount of payment. In other words, low salary, but enough for paying such eating, travelling, health insurance as well as rent is enough to be happy with a short payment. For instance, my neighbour Faruk earns only two thousand dollars per month, but he can save fifty dollars after paying every spending ways. Besides, people can live happier with a short amount of salary by paying some essential ways of life. On the other hand, there are a lot of ways to get the happiness rather than paying. Therefore, helping other is more valuable. Furthermore, government doctors in villages cannot earn a lot, even if, they are helping the poor people with the helping hands. For example, my relative Dr. Habib, who is a government doctor lives in a small village with a short budget of the bill, moreover, he cannot save anything, but to help the poors with the health service. Also, people can enjoy the career with a shortage budget of salary while they are helping others. In conclusion, the bill is a way that helps to be happy. Although, I personally think that people can be happy without a lot of bills, because people can be happy with paying some career issues and helping others is another way to be happy.
Nowadays, money is vital in all kinds of emergencies.
However
, a few public considered that happiness cannot
be found
without money. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money in life and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more factors those contributing towards happiness.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy the life with a low amount of payment. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, low salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
such eating, travelling, health insurance
as well
as rent is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with a short payment.
For instance
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
Possible spelling mistake found.
Faruk
earns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two thousand dollars per month,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he can save fifty dollars after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
every spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happier with a short amount of salary by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the happiness
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
.
Therefore
, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is more valuable.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
doctors in villages cannot earn a lot, even if, they are helping the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the helping hands.
For example
, my relative Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Habib
, who is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
doctor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village with a short budget of the bill,
moreover
, he cannot save anything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
poors
with the health service.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy the career with a shortage budget of salary while they are helping others.

In conclusion
, the bill is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Although, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
bills,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
career issues and helping others is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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