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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable,while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. PBAp
In today's world technology has shown its magic in verity of fields, such as communication, teaching, learning, photography, medical and so on. It is thought by numerous people that technology has made the globe sociable, while a few including me consider it to be less socialised. To begin with, every individual today has an account on various social networing sites such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. To elaborate, people are opting for an easy way of commutation with family and friends at every corner of the world. Furthermore, making new friends is just a click away. For instance on a survey it was found thay nearly 5 million people make new friends on Facebook on a daily basis and more than that communicate through it all day long. On the contrary, although technology has made us unite at one platform. However, there are ramifications. Primarily, every family member has an account. Makes them away from themselves even though it helps in getting touch with people away. To cite an example, a survey done in a hotel found that families were all involved in their devices instead having food. Also, people tend to make friendship with unknown and unseen which results Ina crime and being untrustworthy. For example, the news channel India Times made a survey in India, to their surprise the crime rate as of technology was increased by 20% than the previous year. To encapsulate, even though technology has made us sociable. I profound that it has made us away from oneself.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has shown its magic in verity of fields, such as communication, teaching, learning, photography, medical and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made the globe sociable, while a few including me consider it to be less
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, every individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has an account on various social
Possible spelling mistake found.
networing
sites such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. To elaborate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opting for an easy way of commutation with family and friends at every corner of the world.
Furthermore
, making new friends is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
.
For instance
on a survey it
was found
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
nearly
5 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends on Facebook on a daily basis and more than that communicate through it all day long.

On the contrary
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made us unite at one platform.
However
, there are ramifications.
Primarily
, every family member has an account.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from themselves
even though
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in getting touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
. To cite an example, a survey done in a hotel found that families were all involved in their devices
instead
having food.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendship with unknown and unseen which results Ina crime and being untrustworthy.
For example
, the news channel India Times made a survey in India, to their surprise the crime rate as of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
was increased
by 20% than the previous year.

To encapsulate,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made us sociable. I profound that it has made us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from oneself.

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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