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Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

With advancements in technology, mobile phones are easily available to everyone. While mobiles have changed our ways of communication, I believe excessive use of smart phones is harmful not only for children but for adults as well. Firstly, people who think that a child must carry a smartphone with him/her, support it with a notion that technology awareness is a necessity for development in the modren era. As mobile phones provide easy excess to different types of information, it is good for educational purposes. For example, there are many applications like easy mathematics that helps students learn maths on their smartphones. Furthermore, parents are concerned regarding the saftey of their young ones due to the increase security risks in the world. They want an up-to-date information about the location of their children. The location services and tracking systems installed in mobiles have solved this problem to a certain extent. On the other hand, people with an opposite opinion base their argument on a fact that increasing social media usage has affected students badly. Individuals think that spending more time on a cell phone has distracted children and decreased their quality of education. To give an idea about how serious the situation is, a research was conducted in America in the year 2005, indicated that the percentage of the school drop outs have increased over the years. Also children want to upload every detail about their lives on social media and compare their life style with others. This has increased the rate of suicidal incidents in children. A study done in U. K in 2020 revealed some shocking results about a sharp rise in depression case in the children attributed to the mobile phone usage. To conclude, I must suggest a judicious use of a mobile phone is necessary. Mobile phones are an essential element in our lifes with many benefits as well as a few disadvantages. Therefore, in my opinion, a balance is important in its usage.
With advancements in technology, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
easily
available to everyone. While mobiles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our ways of communication, I believe excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is harmful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for adults
as well
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
carry a smartphone with him/her, support it with a notion that technology awareness is a necessity for development in the modren era. As mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
provide easy excess to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of information, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for educational purposes.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications like easy mathematics that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students learn maths on their smartphones.
Furthermore
, parents
are concerned
regarding the saftey of their young ones due to the increase security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in the world. They want an up-to-date information about the location of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The location services and tracking systems installed in mobiles have solved this problem to a certain extent.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with an opposite opinion base their argument on a fact that increasing social media usage has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
students
badly
. Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spending more time on a cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has distracted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and decreased their quality of education. To give an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about how serious the situation is, a research
was conducted
in America in the year 2005, indicated that the percentage of the school drop outs have increased over the years.
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to upload every detail about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on social media and compare their life style with others. This has increased the rate of suicidal incidents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A study done in U. K in 2020 revealed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shocking results about a sharp rise in depression case in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attributed to the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
suggest a judicious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is necessary. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are an essential element in our lifes with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
as well
as a few disadvantages.
Therefore
, in my opinion, a balance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in its usage.
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IELTS essay Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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