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Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. 2
It is commonly believed that cellular phones are deleterious for kids. Although this view is favoured by some, while others have a counter argument against that thought. In my perspective, it depends on how the dial is used, and how their parents control it. This essay will delve into these two viewpoints with relevant examples in the support of my opinion. On the one side, though the mobile contact enhanced the way we communicate with each other’s, this blessing is not suitable for all aged people, especially for youth. There are many functions, which are installed on the cellphone that is not good for all time. Some individuals feel that video games and social site apps are killing the valuable time. Young generations are getting fully addicted to these games and sites and as a result, they do not interact with their families and sometimes their attitudes become worst to continue playing the games. They feel a little interested to play outside. Even for this bad addiction sometimes, they involved in many crimes. For instance, recently, a famous game developer company is banned for the reason of their popular game, which gave some unwanted instruction to the users. The adolescent is fully attached to this game and for this, they have to do some unsocial activities against the rules. On the other side, today, some people opine that it is necessary to monitor toddler’s activities from outside of the GPS system for their security reason. The GPS system is only found by a call up network and for this, parents allowed their teens to use cellular telephones. For example, many bad situations like hijacking, kidnapping will stop the meantime, if we used modern technology. Some mobile company gives these facilities on their telephone. So, it is safe, if younger peoples used this android. From my view of this situation is this, as the digital contact is essential in this modern era, so juvenile may use this but under the proper guidelines of their parents. Parents should check their kiddo's cell regularly basis and should some restrictions to use social and adults sites. To conclude, teenagers are only risk when they are using the handset, If they are not being supervised and are not given strict guidelines which are set by their parents.
It is
commonly
believed that cellular phones are deleterious for kids. Although this view is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, while others have a counter argument against that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. In my perspective, it depends on how the dial is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, and how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
control it. This essay will delve into these two viewpoints with relevant examples in the support of my opinion.

On the one side, though the mobile contact enhanced the way we communicate with each other’s, this blessing is not suitable for all aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
for youth. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
functions, which
are installed
on the cellphone
that is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for all time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals feel that video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and social site apps are killing the valuable time. Young generations are getting
fully
addicted to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and sites and
as a result
, they do not interact with their families and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
their attitudes become worst to continue playing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They feel a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
interested to play outside. Even for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
addiction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crimes.

For instance
, recently, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
game developer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is banned
for the reason of their popular game, which gave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted instruction to the users. The adolescent is
fully
attached to this game and for this, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unsocial activities against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

On the other side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that it is necessary to monitor toddler’s activities from
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the GPS system for their security reason. The GPS system is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
found by a call up network and for this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
their teens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cellular telephones.

For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situations like hijacking, kidnapping will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the meantime, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
modern technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
gives these facilities on their telephone.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is safe, if younger peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this android.

From my view of this situation is this, as the digital contact is essential in this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
juvenile may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under the proper guidelines of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their kiddo's cell
regularly
basis and should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social and adults sites.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
when they are using the handset, If they are not
being supervised
and are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
strict guidelines which
are set
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
382 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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