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Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important to succeed in life? v.9

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important to succeed in life? v. 9
Nowadays, education is one of the important part of our lives. Most of the people believe that going to school, prepare the people have an effective role in the community and failure in university leads to losing the chance to have a happy and successful life. Personally, for some reasons that mention below, I do not agree with this statement and reckon the life does not end by failing in the institute, necessarily. In every community, success has a different expression due to a variety of cultures, but most of them have in common with this opinion that the achievement of goals is dependent on appropriate training. People in schools or colleges learn about their favourite skills and get ready for the job market. The more people learn, the easier it is to find a job. Because of that, parents force their children to try too hard in academies so if they fail for any reason, they feel incapability, inability and weakness and eventually losing motivate to continue their lives. The way I see things, failing in school is not the end of the world. Many countries have outdated learning systems that are not able to prepare people properly to be useful for society. People can learn any career they want out of the schools and follows their dreams. They should learn that the sense of happiness and success comes from inside of humans. On the other hand, God blessed us health and intelligence to live and enjoy. People should to try living in the present and use their capacities and abilities to advance their aims and make better their lives. To conclude, the world is changing and the needs of humanity are substituting. In my view, the governments must devote a special budget for training and update education system year-to-year in order to adapt themselves to humanity needs.
Nowadays, education is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an effective role in the community and failure in university leads to losing the chance to have a happy and successful life.
Personally
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that mention below, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and reckon the life does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
by failing in the institute,
necessarily
.

In every community, success has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
expression due to a variety of cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of them have in common with this opinion that the achievement of goals is dependent on appropriate training.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or colleges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for the job market. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, the easier it is to find a job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, parents force their children to try too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in academies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they fail for any reason, they feel incapability, inability and weakness and
eventually
losing motivate to continue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

The way I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things, failing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries have outdated learning systems that are not able to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
properly
to be useful for society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
any career they want out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and follows their dreams. They should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
that the sense of happiness and success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from inside of humans.
On the other hand
, God blessed us health and intelligence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and enjoy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should to try living in the present and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their capacities and abilities to advance their aims and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, the world is changing and the needs of humanity are substituting. In my view, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
devote a special budget for training and update education system year-to-year in order to adapt themselves to humanity needs.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important to succeed in life? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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