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Some people think that listening to music can be a useful way to improve the efficiency, but others believe that music distracts from daily routine. Give your opinion to this statement. v.1

Some people think that listening to music can be a useful way to improve the efficiency, but others believe that music distracts from daily routine. Give your opinion to this statement. v. 1
There is no doubt that music plays an important role in people’s life. However, there is an opinion that listening to music distracts from other regular tasks. Personally, I believe that music can give some amount of positive energy, so it can be useful. Let us consider some main effects of this activity. Firstly, listening to music helps some individuals with studies. For example, plenty of students prefer to combine different kinds of activities in order to perform them faster and, probably, more efficient. In this situation music gives additional energy to listeners and provides exciting and pleasant feelings through rhythm and tone. As a result, when a student does homework he also has a positive attitude towards assignments, so he feels more comfortable and confident in this activity. Secondly, music can serve as a background noise for doing several household chores during the day. One should note here that some residents don’t really like to clean their apartment often, but, what is more important, that they find it quite boring. However, a background noise is able to solve this problem, so residents turn their favorite tracks on and start to mop floors and wash dishes, because music produces positive feelings and forces people to do their needs. Despite the positive aspects, listening to music can have a detrimental effect on listeners. Basically, audio compositions are able to capture people’s mind and they intefere other thinking activities. Consequently, individuals find it difficult to drive a car or to solve Mathematics equations, because music distracts them from the main task. To draw the conclusion, I am of the opinion that music helps in many daily activities because it produces energy and positive thoughts about life.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life.
However
, there is an opinion that listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
distracts from other regular tasks.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
energy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can be useful.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main effects of this activity.

Firstly
, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals with studies.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of students prefer to combine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of activities in order to perform them faster and,
probably
, more efficient. In this situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
gives additional energy to listeners and provides exciting and pleasant feelings through rhythm and tone.
As a result
, when a student does homework he
also
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
attitude towards assignments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he feels more comfortable and confident in this activity.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can serve as a background noise for doing several household chores during the day. One should note here that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
residents don’t
really
like to clean their apartment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
what is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, that they find it quite boring.
However
, a background noise is able to solve this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
residents turn their favorite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
on and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to mop floors and wash dishes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
produces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
feelings and forces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do their needs.

Despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
aspects, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can have a detrimental effect on listeners.
Basically
, audio compositions are able to capture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
intefere
other thinking activities.
Consequently
, individuals find it difficult to drive a car or to solve Mathematics equations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
distracts them from the main task.

To draw the conclusion, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
daily activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it produces energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
thoughts about life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that listening to music can be a useful way to improve the efficiency, but others believe that music distracts from daily routine. Give your opinion to this statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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