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Some people think that it's not necessary for people to travel if they have a TV. Do you agree with this statement?

Some people think that it's not necessary for people to travel if they have a TV. xxwNo
Since there is a remarkable development in technology, many people believe that electricity devices such as TV enable them to travel. However, whereas being an arm-chaired traveller can bring you advantages, I personally think that it is fundamental to travel. On the one hand, there are various reasons why people want to travel using media technology. To begin with, there are many sources on the Internet which allow individuals to learn and see other places without visiting there. For instance, documentary movies are a great source of information which can provide each individual many locations, other nations with sound effects and images which help them to see attractive scenery and hear the local’s voices and languages. Furthermore, people don’t have to pay money for travelling home. Individuals can easily access a variety of articles and videos by travelers on various websites such as YouTube to know about other venues without losing any finances. One the other hand, I believe that travelling is better than knowing countries or locations by screen. It can be seen that travelling outside provides you the best experience. People can only sense the picturesque vision of a place by witnessing it instead of a viewer’s sight. Moreover, getting opportunities to interact and meet new friends will definitely help you to learn about new lifestyles, cultures and gain practical experience than staying home and reading reviews on TV or social media. People can have their own adventure and learn about many valuable things by travelling outside. To sum up, although there are many reasonable sources on media technology like TV which enable individuals to find information from, it cannot be denied that people need to travel around to learn better about the culture somewhere.
Since there is a remarkable development in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that electricity devices such as TV enable them to travel.
However
, whereas being an arm-chaired
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
can bring you advantages, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is fundamental to travel.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to travel using media technology. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources on the Internet which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places without visiting there.
For instance
, documentary movies are a great source of information which can provide each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
locations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations with sound effects and images which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
attractive scenery and hear the local’s voices and languages.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
can
easily
access a variety of articles and videos by travelers on various websites such as YouTube to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
venues without losing any finances.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is better than knowing countries or locations by screen. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
outside provides you the best experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sense the picturesque vision of a place by witnessing it
instead
of a viewer’s sight.
Moreover
, getting opportunities to interact and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about new lifestyles, cultures and gain practical experience than staying home and reading reviews on TV or social media.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
adventure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable things by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
outside.

To sum up, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasonable sources on media technology like TV which enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to find information from, it cannot
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to travel around to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
better about the culture somewhere.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it's not necessary for people to travel if they have a TV.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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