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Some people think that it's better to start a music club at school. But I agree with the idea that it's better to start a basketball at school. First argument to support my opinion is that sport is important for the physical and emotional development of adolescent. Second argument is just as important as the first most teens suffer from weight problems so sport can help them solve this problem. On the other hand music is very important factor adolescent. All children should have an access to culture and fine arts. İn conclusion I strongly believe that sport is important youth them physical on

Some people think that it's better to start a music club at school. But I agree with the idea that it's better to start a basketball at school. First argument to support my opinion is that sport is important for the physical and emotional development of adolescent. Second argument is just as important as the first most teens suffer from weight problems so sport can help them solve this problem. On the other hand music is very important factor adolescent. All children should have an access to culture and fine arts. İn conclusion I strongly believe that sport is important youth them physical on BLD3a
Some people think that it's better to start a music club at school. But I agree with the idea that it's better to start a basketball at school. First argument to support my opinion is that sport is important for the physical and emotional development of adolescent. Second argument is just as important as the first most teens suffer from weight problems so sport can help them solve this problem. On the other hand music is very important factor adolescent. All children should have an access to culture and fine arts. İn conclusion I strongly believe that sport is important youth them physical education.
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Some
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people
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think
that it's better to
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start
a music club at school.
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But
I
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agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it's better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a basketball at school.
First
argument to support my opinion is that sport is
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important
for the physical and emotional development of adolescent. Second argument is
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just
as
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important
as the
first
most teens suffer from weight problems
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so
sport can
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help
them solve this problem.
On the other hand
music is
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very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factor adolescent. All children should have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to culture and fine arts.
Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
strongly
believe that sport is i
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mportant
youth them physical education.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it's better to start a music club at school. But I agree with the idea that it's better to start a basketball at school. First argument to support my opinion is that sport is important for the physical and emotional development of adolescent. Second argument is just as important as the first most teens suffer from weight problems so sport can help them solve this problem. On the other hand music is very important factor adolescent. All children should have an access to culture and fine arts. İn conclusion I strongly believe that sport is important youth them physical on

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people think that it's better to start a music club at school. But I agree with the idea that it's better to start a basketball at school. First argument to support my opinion is that sport is important for the physical and emotional development of adolescent. Second argument is just as important as the first most teens suffer from weight problems so sport can help them solve this problem. On the other hand music is very important factor adolescent. All children should have an access to culture and fine arts. İn conclusion I strongly believe that sport is important youth them physical on