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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians . What are the causes and is it a positive trend ?

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the causes and is it a positive trend? 2xE3w
It has been observed that in modern era, celebrities earn more wages a compare to the politicians because of the advancement of technology. I think it is a negative Trend. I will explain the causes and development in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the first reason is the technology have been become advanced. To examplify, nowadays people become crazy to watch new videos and movies as well as they prefer to listen music in their leisure time. so, the value of different celebrities are increasing at an alarming rate because celebrity entertain the individual
It has
been observed
that in modern era, celebrities earn more wages a compare to the politicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advancement of technology. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Trend. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the causes and development in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the
first
reason is the technology have
been become
advanced. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become crazy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
new videos and movies
as well
as they prefer to listen music in their leisure time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, the value of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
celebrities are increasing at an alarming rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
celebrity entertain the individual

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the causes and is it a positive trend?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
94 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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