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Some people think that it would be better for larger companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some people think that it would be better for larger companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Many people believe that the shifting of the large companies and industries to regional areas away from large urban centres would be beneficial and in my view, this certainly has more advantages than disadvantages. This essay is going to focus on the benefits and drawbacks of this idea and support it with relevant examples. Firstly, one disadvantage of moving out the companies and factories could be the destruction of the forests. As most of the areas outside cities are covered with forests, securing land for these industries might require a clearing of the green cover. In addition, cutting down the forest can also displace the local communities causing a loss of local cultures. For example, in my city when a pharma factory had to relocate outside the city, they had to clear a large area covered by the forest, due to this a local tribe had to displace, which led to a severe backlash from the environmental enthusiasts. On the other hand, shifting of the companies and industries can help reduce pollution within the cities. This is important because cities accommodate a major proportion of the nation's population. Furthermore, the decrease in pollution can also improve the health standards of the people. For instance, when a factory believed to be responsible for water pollution in the neighbouring areas was relocated the water quality started to improve almost immediately and reduced the risk of deadly diseases like typhoid by almost 70%. This can result in an overall increase in the living conditions of people. In conclusion, the shifting of the industries to rural areas can improve the environment and health conditions in the cities. Even though it has a drawback of destroying forests and culture, in my view, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the shifting of the large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
away from large urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
would be beneficial and in my view, this
certainly
has more advantages than disadvantages. This essay is going to focus on the benefits and drawbacks of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and support it with relevant examples.

Firstly
, one disadvantage of moving out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories could be the destruction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
. As most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are covered
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
, securing land for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
might require a clearing of the green cover.
In addition
, cutting down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
can
also
displace the local communities causing a loss of local cultures.
For example
, in my city when a pharma factory had to relocate outside the city, they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
covered by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
, due to this a local tribe had to displace, which led to a severe backlash from the environmental enthusiasts.

On the other hand
, shifting of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pollution within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
accommodate a major proportion of the nation's population.
Furthermore
, the decrease in pollution can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health standards of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, when a factory believed to be responsible for water pollution in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
was relocated
the water quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
almost immediately and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of deadly diseases like typhoid by almost 70%. This can result in an
overall
increase in the living conditions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the shifting of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environment and health conditions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Even though
it has a drawback of destroying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
and culture, in my view, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better for larger companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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